


Worthy

by AwatereJones



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Hidden Secrets, Love, M/M, Redemption, Reflection, Regret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-01-30 10:24:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 47
Words: 41,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12651711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones
Summary: Ianto is still trying to come to terms with what happened with Lisa, the terrible guilt that eats at him like rats. Owen doesn't know how to help and the rest of the team don't seem to notice. Only Owen knows their tea boy is damaged beyond a plaster's healing power. He doesn't feel worthy to be here anymore. What an empty feeling that is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eleana666](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eleana666/gifts).



Ianto stood watching as Jack spilt his coffee, then calmly stepped forward to mop it up as Jack continued his rant down the phone to some UNIT bod who apparently had the misguided idea he could ring and demand something.

It had been a week since Lisa, a week since it had all gone to hell and Ianto was just pleased to be alive. An achievement really, to survive two Cyberman attacks. Ianto still couldn't believe it, the fact that it had fooled him so cleverly. He now knew Lisa had been long gone and the bloody body snatcher had done a fine job of using her memories that had fired in death to make him a willing puppet.

Owen looked up from his workstation to see Ianto leaning over the coffee table, grimacing as his ribs pinched and caught the cup that had slid as Jack kicked the table and rose to scream even more shrilly down the phone. He stopped and took a deep shuddering breath that Ianto knew was heralding an immense response with dire threads so he dropped the cloth and snatched the phone, "Excuse me sir. I do believe her Majesty is waiting for your afternoon call since you can't go for high tea like she wanted."

Ianto spoke loudly with the phone near him and Jack blinked, then grinned like a shark as he realised what Ianto was doing, had always done for him, then Ianto placed the phone to his ear, "Hello? Sorry about that but the Captain had a prior appointment that he just couldn't get out of, you know how it is. Look, if you send a P654A form and remember to attach the signed QV99523 I will see what I can do. Good day sir."

Ianto ended the call and handed the phone back, then knelt to pick up the scattered files.

"Thank you Ianto" Jack said as he headed towards his office, then turned back, "Ianto? Are those real forms?"

Ianto stopped shuffling the papers and looked at Jack with confusion, "Sir?"

"P654A?"

"That is a request to acquisition a toilet seat for the royal chambers" Ianto said calmly, "and QV99523 is asking her majesty for permission to wear it to a fancy dress party. I do believe the Doctor has something to do with needing the second one, thought you might like it."

Jack blinked and then roared with glee as he shot up the stairs calling back, "wonder if he looks them up."

Ianto smiled back softly, pleased that he had tickled Jack's funny bone and then he went back to his tasks, his internal checklist still long.

Owen leaned back and watched him for a few minutes, then went back to his own work as Gwen entered with some cupcakes from Rhys.

They moved to the meeting room for lunch and Jack looked around, frowning then rose and called out to Ianto to bring his lunch and join them. Ianto slid into the room and along the wall to a chair in the corner but Jack patted the one next to him, forcing Ianto to sit between him and Gwen.

Jack looked at Ianto's cup of coffee and frowned again, "No food?"

Ianto looked up with surprise ... directly at Owen then away as he shrugged and muttered, "Not really that hungry."

Jack reached out and grabbed a cupcake from the tin and placed it next to the cup, "Well you need some energy. Gods, you are so thin!"

Ianto stared at it like it was some sort of Tribble or something, about to multiply and eat him instead.

"Right, Tosh? Did you get that programme to compute?" Jack asked Tosh and Ianto picked up the cupcake with a look of wonder, then peeled the paper off it and placed it back down, now folding the paper cup carefully into a little star that he placed on the table. Jack looked at it and smiled, "So it's you doing the wee origami things, I thought it was Toshiko."

"Lisa taught me" Ianto said, then grimaced and glanced at Owen again, "Sorry."

"For what?" Gwen asked, leaning around to look at him.

"For speaking of her, sorry. It just ... sometimes it happens. Sorry."

Gwen frowned, "Of course you think of her, she was someone you loved."

Ianto looked at his cup, the cupcake still uneaten beside it and nodded, "I did. Always will. But life goes on for those who can survive."

Ianto rose and started to clear the table, Jack reached out and snatched up the little star as he rose as well then he looked down at the table, "Ianto. Cupcake?"

Ianto snatched it up and shoved it in his mouth, then shot from the room as Gwen sighed sadly and shook her head, "Poor lamb. Imagine loving someone so much that you can't live without them, just survive instead."

"Yeah" Jack said thickly, swallowing back his own memories, "Imagine."

Owen walked past a wastepaper basket that was by the kitchen door for napkins and such, glancing in to see the cupcake spat out and he dropped his paper napkin over it before Jack could see, heading into the kitchen to find Ianto scrubbing the sink with a fevered intensity.

"You OK?"

Ianto grunted, pausing to glance at him and nod, his face devoid of expression and then he went back to his cleaning.

Owen sighed as he left him to it.


	2. invisible barriers

Ianto stood at the threshold to his room and looked at Owen in silent rebuke. Owen sighed and took a step back, "Look, I just wanted to see if you are OK."

"What do you care" Ianto said sullenly, "Why are you really here?"

Owen held out his hand, a pristine cupcake nestled within, "I saved one for you."

Ianto looked at it long and hard before he shook his head, "You know the rules Owen. I don't get one."

"Ianto, this thing you have for self punishment, it's not fair. You lost her, that is punishment enough, take it from..."

"If you want to bring up Katie again you can just piss off" Ianto barked, "This is nothing like that. You lost her, you fought and lost. I was just a fucking idiot. Big difference. You were not a simpering fool led by his stupid useless heart."

"Ianto..."

"Good night" Ianto slammed the door and felt better even if it was juvenile and definitely pointless, heading to his bed to seethe.

Owen sighed and rubbed his face then went home determined to try harder the next day.

.

.

.

Of course the fucking fairy thing happened and Ianto was forced to let Jack touch him, something he regretted instantly, even as it felt so nice to have some form of contact with someone if only to convince himself he was still real.

Not a ghost who didn't know he was a ghost kind of thing, a know?

Cleaning up Gwen's flat was a weird experience but I guess someone had to do it and he didn't mind. If they came for him he might even say yes this time. He hummed softly as he worked and soon had the place cleaner than before, something he knew Rhys would appreciate poor fella. He had taken a moment to look at the photos on the wall of the two laughing and hamming it up, remembering his own lost pictures of him and L...

He rang Owen and said he was done, waiting for the pick-up as he wondered about the life Gwen had, the freedom he was denied and he felt himself sliding into morose territory, looking up instead to enjoy the passing clouds.

No rain today.

"Oi!"

Ianto walked to the SUV and clambered in, nodding to Owen who told him of another death and the mess they were in.

"Not really, you have two choices" Ianto said softly, "You let them have their chosen one and they leave or you try to defy them and they destroy you."

"I don't think they have the power to kill Jack" Owen snorted, "Come on. Really? I think the little monsters are just messing with people."

"No, they are Mara. Older than time, they are time. Some say they are the first Timelords, some say they are the last Timelords. Who can say. For all we know they decided to ride around in metal containers or something. Weird things" Ianto shivered in the passenger seat, "Like Darleks threatening to exterminate you."

Owen glanced over at him "Read up on them did you?"

Ianto shrugged, looking out the window.

They got back to chaos and Ianto calmly made coffee... and stayed the fuck out of this mess they were getting into.

Owen came to see him afterwards, leaning against the stacks as Ianto filed some boxes of tat and he asked the question that had plagued him all day, "Ianto, where did you read about them moving through time?"

"Heard it somewhere" Ianto said distractedly, "When I was young. Like, in another life now, I think. I remember that they liked their rose petals and had a thing for knots, have you ever taken a bandanna and ...."

"Ianto?" Jack's voice startled them both, a rare thing for Ianto to show any emotion but he squeaked along with Owen.

"Hey" Owen said conversationally, "Whatcha doing?"

"Ah, I could ask you the same thing" Jack said with a grimace at the little man, "You are supposed to be doing an autopsy on a Ferbbbil"

"Ew" Ianto said, "With a full moon predicted tonight? I'm not cleaning that up!"

"Shit, is it?" Owen sighed, "I knew I came to ask you something. Ta."

Jack looked between the two men, "The full moon as nothing to do with anything!"

"Tell that to the tide" Ianto replied, turning to face him, "What can I do for you sir?"

Jack looked at him for a few beats, then answered, "I need a file on Soloteranicors and a coffee please."

"That file is in another room, I shall retrieve it and bring it with your coffee sir" Ianto said smoothly, "anything else?"

"Yeah, where did you get that tie, it is a doozey" Jack demanded and Ianto blinked.

"Smiths and Coles" he finally replied "Fall collection last year."

"Right" Jack stared at him for another couple of minutes and turned to leave.

Owen watched him go and shifted his stance to follow, turning back to look at Ianto, "You know where I am if you want to talk."

"What about?" Ianto frowned.

Owen snorted and left the sorry twat to it.


	3. good morning sunshine

Jack was disappointed in the team's response to the Jasmine drama, his explanations falling on deaf ears and as he stood in the shower with his back against the wall and his head tilted back to enjoy the water he wondered why the hell he bothered sometimes.

_Sure, this was the Doctor's favourite planet and most likely to be where they would meet again but was it worth this shit?_

He was first aware of his shower companion when lips gently sucked the tip of his penis in and he grunted, looking down as Ianto then devoured his entire length in that way he was deft at. Jack groaned and forced his palms against the tiles, remembering Ianto's dislike of touch and concentrated on breathing as he was treated to a rare and wonderful blow job. The humming was too much and Jack grunted as a finger breached to encourage his stress away and he found himself sitting in the bottom of the shower with those same lips suctioned to his in a kiss that blew his mind as much as they had blown his little Captain.

Ianto stroked Jack's forehead as he crooned, then he washed Jack's hair and kissed him once more, leaning in to whisper, "Get up. Tosh is about to arrive, it's morning Cariad."

By the time Jack exited the bathroom his clothes were laid out and Ianto was gone. A mirage. A dream.

A fucking god.

Jack was both confused by the sudden resuming of their sexlife and heartened that it might hearald his letting go of _her_.

"Well team, another thrilling day in the life?" Jack asked as he stepped out onto the catwalk to look down at the bowed heads, Owen the first to look up and frown, "You never wear a waistcoat!"

"Do so!" Jack replied, "Just haven't for a long time. Forgot how comforting they are, like a warm hug. So what, you never wear that T-shirt either."

"Do so, just don't see it under my jacket!" Owen replied, then he went back to his game.

OK, that one seemed OK. He looked at Gwen who was laughing at something on her screen as Toshiko leaned forward so her nose was almost touching her own screen. Ianto walked over and calmly spoke, pulling her back into his space as he leaned forward to whisper something and she smiled softly as she looked down at the cup of green tea he was placing down next to her glasses. She slipped them on and continued at a more normal distance, Ianto continued his slow walk.

Jack just could not work him out. It was not often that he met someone that was naturally gifted like him, able to glean and adjust to peoples' needs while at the same time appearing so insignificant that they didn't realise what he was doing for them, to them.

Jack thought back to that night, Ianto on his knees with his hands laced behind his head looking up at Jack accusing him of not loving. Not loving. Jesus. If he could just turn his heart off he might be able to walk away from this shitty bloody life he didn't want. He might have started this to be where he could see the Doctor again but he had fought and clawed his way through decades...fuck. Millennia to be here and now he was he didn't want to go anywhere.

He sometimes imagines the Doctor turning up and him looking the man in the eye as he tells him he is not going with him, he has a job to do. You know. All noble and shit. Then he snorts at the absurdity of it all.

Ianto was ghosting again, this time glancing up and making eye contact before he looked away.

Ianto.

Jack just couldn't get a grip on him, not like the others who his mind had latched onto easily. Owen with his raw pain and self hatred. Toshiko with her regret and desire to please. Gwen ...well. She was hungry. He felt himself in her, that raw need to devour and conquer.

Ianto was an enigma. The amount of firewalls and shielding he had around him made Jack's attempts at the mind touch impossible. Almost like he was repelling him on purpose. Of course Jack had read his file and knew that Ianto had no idea of his abilities, like most of Yvonne's pets he was simply there to toy with.

Ianto looked up again and Jack realised he was thinking about her.

She had snuck in under Yvonne's memory and was standing in the back of his mind, her shiny metal casing harsh.

Ianto's eyes seemed to bore into him as he looked down at him, then Jack focused in Ianto's tie. Red today, looked good on him. Classy with a touch of politician.

Ianto's hand moved to his chest and his fingers touched the tie gently as he looked up, then he blushed. His eyes widening for a moment and a flicker of a smile at the corners of his mouth before Owen curded loudly and broke the contact, Ianto looking over at where the little bastard was complaining as more files slid from his desk.

The spell was broken but for that moment Jack had finally felt something from behind the wall of silence.

Amusement?


	4. talk of a trip

A meeting was about to begin and Ianto hurried to set out the folders, food and then make the coffee. As the rest of the team filed in he made a check to see if they were satisfied with their place settings each individual to them.

Owen picked up his little stress alien and squeezed it viciously a few times before gently pacing it back with something akin to affection. Tosh adjusted the coloured pencils she preferred for highlighting things as Gwen picked up her own pen, a fuzzy feathered thing and shook it about.

Jack then moved to his own seat and sat, the timepiece sitting next to the folder slid into his pocket as Ianto had noticed it still sitting on the bedside table when he had changed the captain's sheets earlier and knew he would be annoyed if he was out and about, and then checked his wrist. He thought he felt a flicker of something and he quietly slammed against it, not wanting that from the man. He was just doing his job. OK? Thanks was neither wanted nor needed.

He was not worthy of that.

He was returning with the trays of coffee when he heard the conversation thinking they were just making polite chit-chat while they waited for him to arrive and settle in the corner, his job to take minutes as the Captain liked to argue later about things. Seems the man likes a good banter.

He was about three steps from the room when he heard Jack's voice.

"So, what do you say team?"

Ianto froze. They had started without him?

"Well, I don't know if it's our business" Tosh said softly, "Can we not hand it off to locals?"

"That's the point Tosh" Jack replied, "Locals have done nothing, that's why it's been handed up to us. What do you say, Gwen?"

"Well I love a challenge" Gwen gushed, so eager to please the fuckable man leering back at her and Ianto could 'see' her plumping her breasts without having to look around the doorframe, "I think it's worth a check, come on team we can at least touch base with the local Heddlu."

"I don't fucking care either way" Owen muttered.

"Right! So, that's unanimous then!" Jack said with a slap of his hand on the desk that made Ianto cringe, "The whole team agrees!"

Ianto took a moment to steel his features as he straightened his back and took a deep breath, the slight cutting him to the core as he was yet again reminded that he was not part of the team. Once again, as he had been all his life, he was the snotty nosed little waif no one wanted on their team left standing in his scuffed second-hand shoes as the last of the choices made, then discarded as they called back that their teams were full.

Ianto entered with the coffees, gently placing each down with the plate of biscuits in reach of the one who really wanted them, Owen's hum of delight as he hooked two and then sat back somewhat of a balm to know he was at least needed for something.

He turned to leave.

"Ianto?"

He froze.

"Are you not going to join us for the meeting?" Tosh's voice was soft and full of surprise as she noted the lack of a cup, his left outside the door on the sideboard to lurch away and sulk. Gods, he hated sulking but couldn't seem to shake it lately. He realised they were all looking at him expecting an answer.

"Seems it's Team Business today instead of revision, I don't want to be in the way" he finally said with as gentle a smile as he old muster but he saw something move in the Captain's face as he listened and he wondered if the sad little boy was peeking out again, slamming further shielding over his rejected spark of lacklustre boringness.

"Ianto, please get your cup and sit with us" Jack asked softly, pointing to a seat next to Gwen that made him instantly uncomfortable.

_Great, not only reminded that you are no longer needed to fill the seats, you get to sit next to the one who is shiniest in the room. Oh Glee._

Ianto fought the urge to stomp, fetching the cup from around the doorframe and heading back towards the table, again seeing something in Jack that made him pause.

"Would you rather sit with Toshiko? She started the notes for you" Jack pointed and Ianto felt the flood of relief as he slid in next to the closest thing to a friend he had. Like the cool kid at school who let you sit next to them at lunch as long as you didn't make eye contact or try to speak to them.

Jack seemed pensive as he watched Ianto glance over the notes and then start adjusting them, Owen starting to talk again "So where is this then?"

"A wee town in the whop-whops" Jack said, then he saw confusion, "Sorry, a term meaning out in the boondocks."

"Not too far out I hope" Owen replied, "I have shit to do here ya know."

"Owen I am sure the zombies will still be waiting in the video game, you did save your last level" Jack said with a snort of amusement and Owen slumped in his chair as he glared back at the Captain.

Ianto had a weird feeling about this one and he wondered if he should voice it but then remembered that this was a team meeting and he was only an observer.

Not like anyone would care to hear his thoughts anyway.

Jack's eyes flicked from the screen as Gwen gave her presentation over to Ianto as if hearing that thought and Ianto had a moment of sheer panic before registering that the cups were empty.

Right.

He rose to fulfil his destiny.

One cup of coffee at a time.


	5. grass

OK, so he thought hell was all fire and brimstone. You know, like walking on a sea of molten lava while your ball sack is chewed on by Chihuahuas in tutus or something but apparently hell is a long road trip trapped in the vehicle with Owen.

"And what is that fucking smell!" Owen screamed, straining in the seat as he looked around wildly for some sort of attack beast. This was soothing to know he thought it might be hell approaching too. Ianto wondered idly is he would get Chihuahuas or rats. Probably rats in wee lab coats for him.

Jack made a noise in his throat, sort of like a cross before a snort and a choke before he swung into a siding where there was a pie cart. Thank fuck he can feed the little cunt. Now he decided he would be in Owen's hell if he had a wish, force feeding pies into his mouth every time he opened it for all eternity. After all, he knew he was going to hell, might a well try to swing a favor or two.

Tosh made a comment about Hepatitis that ruined that experience and Ianto felt a slight stab of amusement as she was not usually so acidic. Maybe getting trapped with Owen was making them all toxic. Weird huh? He was acting like he was being contaminated while actually contaminating them. Like a carrier of a bubonic plague called 'Owenisis' or something.

Jack turned to watch Ianto as he binned the pies he hadn't even sniffed left alone eaten one himself then Ianto straightened looking out over the countryside and Jack wondered if he was thinking about her as it had gone suddenly quiet, then remembered that he liked mountain climbing and rock climbing. A real mountain goat. He had probably not seen green grass since T1 fell.

They soon reached the destination Jack had chosen, the kick off epic as Owen sank to his knees and wailed like someone had just run over hi XBOX as he realised they were camping. Ianto calmly dumped the large kit bags on the places where the tents would be and proceeded to make camp. So efficient. Like a ficking robo...shit. Jack chastised himself. That was cruel.

_Yes it was._

Jack swung, his coat swishing around his ankles as he stared at Ianto who stood between two tents with the wooden mallet in his hand, his shoulders slumped as if he had spoken out loud but only Jack had heard.

"Ianto?"

Ianto turned away, moving behind the tent and blocking from Jack so he was left with a feeling of sudden loss. Although it had only been a short time that they had been connected, the joy of finding someone with the gift in this timeline evaporated. Jack swallowed thickly as his ancient brain kicked up a gear and he remembered some of the PSI training of his far, far away youth.

Jack started towards the tent and the man hiding in the scraps of canvas when Gwen shot out of the said tent and slammed into him "Oh god, sorry. There was a spider in there or something. Can you check it? I can't sleep in it if there are spiders."

The moment had passed and Ianto wafted past the opening of the tent, the canvas flapping back as Jack glanced out and he watched the mallet swing around like a baton as Ianto headed over to help Owen, tapped in some sort of Chinese torture chamber more commonly called a tent. For a moment he got a clear image of Ianto calmly standing behind Gwen, lifting the mallet and cleaving her skull with that same bored expression. The imagery was so...vivid.

As Ianto moved away leaving Gwen still moaning as she pulled things from a box she was leaning over Jack saw that taught arse of her's that Jeans cupped so nicely and remembered how it felt that one time he had actually squeezed it. Ianto's shocked gasp one of pain and Jack remembered Ianto's' first contact as well, laying there in the dirt and it had been the moment when Jack had realised Ianto dislikes contact.

Ianto paused.

Swung back to face him and slowly canted his head, then frowned.

Jack blinked.

Ianto turned back towards Owen and there was a moment of surrealness as Ianto's hand came back to slap his butt cheek, then he moved on.

Jack felt the laughter bubble up at such a display of cheekiness, cheekiness. Get it. Cheek. Haahahaha. Jack sat on the fold down bed and laughed softly, looking at his boot straps as he wondered how far Ianto would go in order to amuse him. The promise he made in the warehouse that night they caught Myfanwy to always keep him guessing was really bearing fruit.

Then Gwen spoiled things with her game, Ianto taking a moment to decide and then throw her under the bus and Jack saw the dislike for her again, that moment of spite as Ianto watched her smile fade. Jack has never considered Ianto a petty man, pretty yes. Petty no, but Gwen really seemed to piss him off on a level he couldn't understand. It didn't matter that he said Lisa instead of him, he knew Ianto was saying it to protect him as much as himself but the way he said it, the way he threw it at her was like a challenge.

Jack just didn't know why.

Another of Ianto's mysteries I guess.


	6. aftermath

So that was a fucked up moment of sheer fuckery.

Jack drove with his knuckles white, his teeth grinding and his heart doing palpitations as Gwen sniffled in the back with Owen trying to medicate her pain. Tosh was in the jump seat, pale and silent as she watched the world go by, her filthy appearance making her look like a little orphan pulled from some sort of warzone.

Guess it had been one.

_No. Not a warzone. A lair._

Jack had almost hit the brakes, that one so strong that it had been like a whisper in his ear. Gods he could almost feel the breath on his earlobe as Ianto answered morosely from the back, his head resting against the cool glass of the window.

Jack tried to remain calm and not show any sign or reaction to the answer Ianto had given. Seems the knock to his head had addled him more than he was letting on and in his confused state his walls were crumbling. Jack fought the urge to press him and kept watching the road.

Think.

OK.

A bath, a nice hot bath with lavender bubble bath and a cushion for his head, maybe some soft music and candles to set a soft mood with nothing that needed to be done except breathe.

_Sounds nice._

Jack griped the wheel and shifted in the seat as he blinked and considered, then went again.

Food. Grapes and some cheese already spread on crackers maybe. Fruit juice to wash it down, fruit juice as cold as the water is hot so it is almost a shock as you feel a mouthful side down your gullet.

_Not pineapple. Mango maybe._

Yes, mango. I like mango. Mango and peach is an interesting mix, had it once in Hawaii. Came in a coconut, looked stupid with the little umbrella but tasted so nice on a hot day, crushed ice making it almost a slushy.

_Yum._

Jack took a chance and gently pushed, finding pain blossoming in his temple as he entered Ianto's space. Ribs, gut. Shit. Jack pulled off the road and sat for a moment, then Owen spoke.

"Why are we stopped?" he demanded. "Gwen needs attention."

"I need a moment of air" Jack replied softly, "The stench is still up my nose, I need to step out."

As he had hoped Ianto opened his door as well, siding his feet to to sit on the seat and stare at Jack. Jack stepped up and slid his arms around him, lifting him from the SUV onto his feet and helping him to the waiting bushes where Ianto promptly vomited with a groan of pain.

"Better out than in" Jack said softly, "I think that welt heralds a concussion for you there buddy"

"Yeah" Ianto slurred, "You know you should be like a detective or something. You know you might even get your own team, a secret branch like with deductions like that."

Jack snorted softly as Ianto snarled, then stumbled. "Come on Tiger, sheath those claws."

"Rwar" Ianto grumbled and Jack couldn't help but grin as he helped him back to the SUV where Owen was now peering out at them, one hand on the open door are he reached for Ianto with the other.

"You Ok mate?"

"I'm a Tiger" Ianto said to him with a serious expression, "Look out for me tail."

Owen blinked, then laughed as he shuffled back on the seat and Ianto got back in, "You are a funny bugger sometimes Yan, come on. Ice pack. Hold it there for me, the swelling will go down."

"I bet you sat that to all the boys" Ianto sighed, accepting it as Owen blinked, looked at Jack then sniggered as Jack shrugged back with his own laughter bubbling.

A concussed Ianto was a funny bastard alright.

_Thanks._

"You are welcome Tiger" Jack said as he slid into his seat then he cursed, looking back to see if Ianto had reacted to the open answer but he didn't seem to notice as he reached around Owen to pull the blanket over Gwen more.

Even though he didn't seem to like her he did appreciate her as a member of the team, this gave Jack hope that they might become friends eventually. After all, Owen had worked for him for six years and Suzie four and a half before the weird thing and Tosh for three. They had become a strange family of misfits and Ianto was the one who had arrived making the least amount of ripples.

_Seems Gwen was a fucking splash._

Jack smiled and tried to ignore the psychic mutters. If Ianto could just accept her as a new member, not a replacement or something maybe it would be OK. Ianto had a weird way of looking at people like he was measuring them. Jack had watched him do it many times while they sat people watching and he was now starting to wonder what it was Ianto measured people by.

Whatever it was, Gwen was found wanting.


	7. Another Lair?

After dropping Gwen and Owen off at Owen's with the two of them saying it was so he could treat her in his flat Jack swung around to Tosh's place, helping her inside as Ianto sat in the back staring into space.

Jack then drove to the block where Ianto's flat was and he came to a stop, looking back in the rear-view as Ianto frowned with confusion.

"Sir?"

"Home Ianto."

"Yes please" Ianto sighed, "Sounds good. Let's go."

Jack sat there trying to work out what Ianto was talking about, then a soft snort sounded as Ianto leaned forward, "Tell me you know where I live sir."

"Well, embarrassingly I don't it would seem" Jack replied, "Hint? Am I warm at least?"

Another snort as Ianto's head lolled, then he sent Jack an image of the Hub. It was like a first person game that Owen played, sweeping down the steps from the main hub to the lower levels and they passed Janet's cell, the Weevil leaping up to grunt with surprise. Then to the end of the row and another turn to a cell sitting in the back behind a large metal door. A Perspex door swung open to allow entry to a large cavernous space.

Ianto showed Jack his room.

Jack sat and tried to remain calm.

"Ianto, do you live at the hub?"

"Hmmmmm"

Jack drove to the Hub, parked and watched Ianto struggle from the vehicle, then stagger his way down the levels just like in the dreamlike explanation, passing Janet who was standing pressed against the glass like something had already woken her. Jack thought back to the vision and wondered if that had just been a vision or something else as her clawed hand pressed against the glass where Ianto steadied himself for a moment before shuffling on around the corner to that huge metal door.

It was open and a more modern Perspex one was closed, Ianto pushing through it into the room that was his and he turned at the door to face Jack.

"Thank you sir, good night."

"Ianto, how long have you been down here?" Jack asked as he looked around the doorframe to see a large bed, bookcase and files scattered about where an old wooden desk sat.

"Since Owen put me here. Remember? Get rid of him, I don't want to look at him" Ianto gave a more than fair Captain Harness sneer as well as American drawl "Just don't put him on ice until we know what else he is hiding."

"I was pretty pissed at you" Jack admitted, "Sorry."

Ianto shrugged, "Ditto"

"You know, you can live off base ya know, this was Owen going overboard as usual" Jack said and Ianto smiled sadly, his eyes not meeting Jack's.

"Yeah, Owen said too. I just...I feel that I deserve this. I am not worthy to enjoy the world up top, not when I almost destroyed it for something as futile as love" Ianto turned to dismiss Jack so he stepped into the room.

"Ianto, wait I..."

The slam was instant, Jack feeling the power behind it as he was unceremoniously ejected and found himself standing in the main hub looking around with shock.

"What the fuck" he muttered, then headed down to enter again. This time Ianto tried a hand against his chest as he stepped over the threshold, "First time is a warning. Second tingles and third puts you down. You were not cleared for this room sir."

"A Barillian Chamber" Jack said with open awe, "Holy shit, you have a bloody Barillian Chamber. Where the hell did you find it?"

"A lot of things in the flotsam and jetsam of this place sir" Ianto canted his head, "This was in a containment box tagged as a child's toy. Obviously the person ... er .... Alex something, was a little tired maybe? Quite a few things simply shoved into a back room."

"Alex Hopkins" Jack supplied the name "He killed the entire team on the Millennium, total breakdown. Shot himself in the head right in front of me. His teenage daughter dead at his feet."

Ianto blinked.

"I loved him." Jack sighed, "Clearly not enough. A total psychotic break as his fear of the millennium bug had him convinced it was the end of the world and he was saving them."

Ianto sat on the edge of the bed and frowned, "I wondered where they went. There was never a report filed."

"Ianto, I almost destroyed the world once" Jack said as he sat next to him and placed a hand gently in his knee, "I brought something to this planet that almost killed the entire human race. If not for the Doctor, I would have wiped this land clean."

Ianto turned to look at him and frowned, "But...that was a con-man with a Chula ambulance."

Jack snorted, "So you do see things lurking in the dark recesses don't you. Yes it was, a con-man trying to make a quick deal. Me."

Ianto sighed as he rubbed his face, "Well right now, as one ghost of a con-man to another, can I ask a huge favour?"

"Anything."

"Can you stay a while?" Ianto asked softly, "I usually go into the cell next to Janet when I can't sleep but she won't like me dreams tonight."

Jack was already toeing off his boots as Ianto looked at him gratefully, "I'll just go shower."

Jack nodded and settled on the bed, Ianto looked like a little boy as he stumbled from the room and through a side door that must lead to the bathroom.

Jack hadn't even known this was here.


	8. sand and coins of bitter gold

Ianto entered smelling of green apples, something that Jack hadn't expected and he shrugged it away as this had definitely been a day of unexpected shit, what was one more. He watched Ianto crawl into the bed and he settled into Jack's arms. His actions were so childlike that any thoughts of a hand-job fled as he saw that Ianto wasn't looking for that form of comfort, he want someone to make him safe.

That felt more real than anything that Ianto had ever asked of him before, it was honest. Raw.

Jack cradled Ianto and hummed softly something he couldn't quite put his finger on, Ianto relaxing as he drifted off to sleep. Jack lay there for some time as he went back over everything and he felt Ianto move in his sleep so he started humming again.

A lullaby.

Jack recognised it now, it was something Alice liked when she was colicky. Ianto snuffled adorably and pouted, Jack had stopped humming so with a soft smile he stated again.

Then it happened.

It was a room. Large, spacious and there were coins and jewels like some sort of pirate treasure. Jack looked around and saw some statues that seemed to be roman, he looked down at the Persian flooring. Where the hell is this?

_My room._

Jack looked around as he heard Ianto, "Sweetie? Is this your memory room?"

_Yes._

"Lots of gold coins" Jack said softly, "What do they represent?"

_Every time I cry a useless tear, I create a gold coin. That way for each negative there is a positive. Thought I would get like a little pile. Silly huh? The things you decide as a small child and it becomes a habit. If I knew this would be my life I might have changed my tears into puppies or butterflies. Imagine this place full of pretty butterflies. Nope. I get to see all this_

"Yes but it's a positive" Jack replied, "Mine would be grains of sand in a desert with no end"

"Apart from the occasional oasis?"

Jack laughed as Ianto showed himself from around a stack of gold bricks wearing a white suit that made him look ethereal and Jack pointed, "Those?"

"Ah. Times my heart broke" Ianto grimaced, "I was a dramatic child."

Jack laughed as he looked at some pretty dangling crystals, "Don't tell me. These are times you wished on birthday candles. No! Childhood crushes that kissed you?"

"No. Times my mother said she loved me" Ianto whispered, his face falling as he looked as them and the room faded away. Jack wondered if he had gone too far, pushed too hard.

_No. I just don't want to think of her._

"Why not?" Jack whispered to the man in his arms but Ianto burrowed his face into his shoulder and settled again, this time closing himself to Jack as he drifted off once more.

Jack wanted to go back over the day bit knew it had upset Ianto enough to retreat and take him as well so instead he went to another time and thought of his brother and him running in the sand dunes, Ianto reminding him of such times with their conversation.

Sand.

Each grain a tear wept with the broken heart that comes from the knowledge that you failed, your entire life you cannot fix that one thing. The Doctor had explained that, had sadly placed a hand on his arm and whispered that fixed events cannot be altered and sometimes what is done is done.

Gray.

He was smaller of course, younger. His hair an unruly mop of curls, much curlier than Jack's locks and lighter as well, almost a dark blonde. He took after their mother as much as Jack took after their father and the Grups had often told them that with obvious pride.

Jack imagined the smell of the sea breeze, the water within walking distance on one side of the peninsular, the other sand as far as the eye could see, great heaving dunes of the stuff with creatures that lived beneath the sand like huge worms, a spider capable of biting your foot off and the frogs that came out once every eight years with the long awaited monsoon season that would last mere weeks. Big purple things with shimmery skin that shone in the rain. Gods, that rain. Jack remembered being in it with his father, their laughter as their faces turned up to the heavens, the life saving elixir falling from the place of the gods. Gray had been in his Mama's tummy her hands rubbing the wet material as she laughed from the doorway to their mud hut that it would melt if Da didn't rattle his Gerbots and get the cover on the roof.

Jack had revelled in his last wet season with his Da before having to share, knowing his baby sibling would no doubt be the one held up in his Da's arms the next time, his laughter mixing with that of the next one, Jack left to stand with his mother.

Jack thought of his mother.

Standing there alone in the rain.

Shit.

Jack turned from the memory knowing it was all that was left.

Grains of sand.


	9. Ianto flicks pages over

"Javic Thane of the Boeshane Peninsula." Ianto said calmly as he talked with Jack while completing the early morning preparations Ianto always did in his stacks, "Born around the year 5094. You grew up in the 51st century , raised on the Boeshane Peninsula, a sandy, beach-like area. You spent time with your brother, Gray, and father, Franklin, playing cricket and singing around campfires. Your poor mother probably despaired having such beasts."

Jack drew back and stared at Ianto as it became apparent he had opened a lot of doors in the night and his sweet archivist had been unable to resist peeking. Ianto pulled another file from a drawer and added it the little pile on his trolley then turned to face Jack with a raised eyebrow.

_Well?_

"On the worst day of my life, an unknown enemy invaded my homeland and killed many of the inhabitants. Father told me to flee with Gray, while he went back for mother. As they ran, Gray stumbled and I let go of his hand." Jack paused and swallowed thickly at the memory "I continued to run, thinking Gray behind me. I hid in a bush while the invaders flew overhead. I returned home hoping to find my brother, but found only my dead father and distraught mother."

"She blamed you?" Ianto asked, his face telling Jack he would have expected it and Jack shook his head.

"No, she forgave me, reveled in keeping her one last child but I longed for revenge. I spent many years searching for my brother unsuccessfully, and buried the memory of what happened that day but I eventually lost my happier memories of before father's death."

"Why do you bring it up now? Why torture yourself over something long since done and gone? It's mote." Ianto asked, leaning against the desk with his hands in his pockets, quite an unusual stance for him but so sexy. He sounded so much like the Doctor sometimes with his quiet reasoning.

"Dreams." Jack said softly, "Terrible dreams"

"Of that day?" Ianto canted his head, then frowned, "No. Later. Much later?"

"Yeah. As a young man, I persuaded a friend to join up with me to fight an enemy that were the worst possible creatures you can imagine." Jack's grimace was echoed as his thoughts told Ianto he could not speak their name aloud, could not give them power over the air.

"You were captured" Ianto said suddenly, clarity making him feel ill.

"The enemy thought my friend the weaker of the pair and tortured him as a lesson for me. They let me go, to bear the guilt of Saint's fate." Jack sighed.

"So, the cannibals have woken your memories of that time, of that horrible time" Ianto nodded as he stood and walked over to look down at the man sitting on the crate, then gently pulled Jack's head into his torso.

Jack was so surprised that he closed his eyes and revelled in the warmth of the soft body, Ianto's waist felt nice to wrap his arms around as well, the sudden image of Ianto in his arms choking on something had him pulling back, Ianto blinking as well.

"What was that?" Jack asked.

"I think....I think I just died somewhere." Ianto looked down at him, "Another me. Another Verse, some creature just farted poisonous gas. How rude."

Jack blinked, then laughed softly, "So...you feel other versions of yourself?"

"Yes, why I could never leave you" Ianto reached out to stroke Jack's face. "I am not worthy, not at all but I must try. For the future, I must try. So many versions of me have failed, so many other verses have folded, failed and succumbed. We can't."

"We must try to do what?" Jack asked as he rose to stand toe to toe, dick to dick and nose to nose.

"Be ready when they come" Ianto said with a cant of his head, "Did it never occur to you that those creatures that stalk your dreams might come this way? Cariad, I believe they are close. Close enough to crate the global warming we are experiencing, your planet was hot yes? They like a dry climate."

"The creatures that just killed another you, the you I wept for, what were they called?" Jack demanded.

"They didn't say, but we called them something with numbers" Ianto tried to focus but the image was gone.

"You think they were the same things? The same as the things that killed Gray and Father? Saint?" Jack stood as he tried to focus, "Shit. Time. Yes, time. In the 51th century they would have evolved more than what they are in this time. Shit, Ianto, what if they are the same creatures. If we stop them now..."

"Unless it's a fixed point, maybe we can save your past. If we can defeat them, maybe we can ensure future generations carry that knowledge so when they attack Boeshane they are effected, not conquered. Gray may still fall if it's a fixed point but you would save countless others" Ianto nodded, watching Jack's eyes as they seemed to swirl with intelligence, that 51st century bent that made Ianto's mouth water.

_One kiss won't matter._

_Right?_

"No, one won't matter a damn" Jack said as he seized Ianto and slammed their mouths together, revelling in the cholately taste.

It had never occurred to Jack that those things might be this far back in time, maybe he should have been more thoughtful in such things but it seriously never occurred him that he might be able to cheat a little.

He owed it to Gray.

To saint.

To be worthy.


	10. Telling Tosh

"Imagine a photocopier spitting out page after page of a book, just that one page, or maybe single chapter of the story and each copy is then passed to someone in a group." Ianto said softly "Each person then adds to the story like...like a writing workshop. Right? Some things would remain the same, some things considered canon but every now and then one of the group would think fuck it and change a key piece of the story. The others might howl, laugh and scoff. But it is now his story and he can write it however he damn well pleases, right?"

"So, alternate realities. Like... AU? You are talking like Fan Fiction right?" Tosh said as she listened to Ianto's unusually focused conversation.

"Yes love. Imagine gods sitting there with their writing tablets arguing the colour of the sky in a story, each lap containing a tablet with their own version of the same thing. Similar like the table cloth is red in one but yellow in another even if the characters sit down to eat in all of the versions."

Tosh nodded, interested and in-tune, "So, we speak of possibility. Endless and twisting fate. The Butterfly effect?"

"Yes" Ianto smiled, knowing he had made the right choice in telling her first, Jack watching silently from behind his desk as the two team members sat on the sofa in his office talking, "So. Picture this. One of the stories...lets call it...I don't know... 'Unworthy'. Yeah, so in 'Unworthy' the main character is a young man who made a mistake that changed the world, he opened Pandora's Box and the world is now in turmoil."

"But another, better story might be called 'Worthy' Yan." Jack interrupted as he saw how this was about to end, "In this story the young man fails to open it or at the last second realises and slams the lid back down saving the world."

Ianto swung to look at him, his annoyance thrumming as he silently chastised him and told him he didn't need stroking, a mistake is a mistake for fucksake.

"Potty mouth" Jack said softly and Ianto blinked, then snorted.

"Ignore him" Ianto waved a hand at Jack and Tosh giggled as she had never seen the two men act as more than workmates and she was now just starting to realise that the story Ianto was telling her was not fiction. Not to him.

"So" she sniggered, "Each story is a version of the other, none the same and all connected through...fixed points? Is that right? Canon moments that have to happen because they were part of the story's main backbone?"

"Ah!" Ianto leaned back with delight, "You get it!"

"Yes" she smiled, "But now, if these stories are all playing out in real time, all overlapping and like watching rooms full of people all acting out the same play with their own interpretations you would hear the same words but spoken with different tone or dialog. No two plays are the same, nor stores no matter how similar."

Ianto looked over at Jack who knew this was where he was to speak and he rose, walking around the desk to lean against it and smile at his little blossom, "Imagine one of the stories had the heroes able to telepathically link to one another."

Ianto frowned as he heard the words and Jack knew it was the 'heroes' that made it so but he continued, "If there was one writer who...for whatever reason...had peeked at the other stories and decided he didn't like the outcomes and after considering if he wanted to be a sheep or a wolf went with cutthroat, leaving the content list on the table and going off the reservation?"

"Er, too many metaphors I think sir" Ianto frowned, "He means, one story diverted."

"OK" she nodded, able to keep up still.

"Right. The hero, say...me. Can telepathically commune with my partner...say...Ianto. We can talk to one another, share thoughts, memoires, images, even feelings?" Jack watched her consider, then he pushed on, "Imagine that power letting one of us peek at the other stories floating around up as the gods discuss their works, their stories and character development? We have seen the other stories and their divergent strains. We can see the fixed points, know what is coming at certain times and also think we can cheat?"

"Cheating is a dangerous thing to do" Tosh warned, "If you go too far off the worksheet you could fail the entire class."

"But if you go off the worksheet and your story trumps the others when it comes time for the final read, what then?" Ianto asked, his eyes glowing with glee.

"Well if you can get an A+ for originality I would say go for it" Tosh agreed, "The path less travelled might be harder and but full of the prettiest weeds."

"And we weeds thrive in the cracks" Ianto relaxed as the conversation came to fruition, "Tosh. I see the cracks. I see the stories. I know the worksheet."

Tosh blinked and then asked the one question he hadn't expected of all the ones he had gone over in his mind.

"Then ... what does Owen truly feel for me?"


	11. answer of a sort

"That he is not good enough for a fit bird like you" Ianto answered without hesitating, no filter as he tried to remain honest.

Tosh looked at him long and hard, then nodded as she agreed, "I thought so. Do we ever...I mean,,,.in others."

"Some, some you lose one another, some you die in each other's arms, some you hate one another" Ianto shrugged, "But always the dynamics are of the two of you sparking off one another. Yes. He fears your rejection so he makes himself unattainable. He is not the horn dog he pretends to be, for all his sexual liaisons, he often goes home alone and sits staring out at the city thinking about you."

"I knew it" she repeated thoughtfully.

"So ... we tell you we are telepathic with the ability to see future events and that was your question?" Jack asked with amusement.

"Well, I need time to process this theoretical debate!" she scoffed, "Do you think Ianto and I talk about bloody tea brands? No, I will not let you trap me, I want time to consider alternative possibilities before we move forward to the next level of this game."

Ianto smiled sadly as he realised she still didn't get it, "Of course. I will leave you with a FP."

"FP?"

"Fixed Point" Ianto said softly "We will refer to them as FPs for the conversations."

"Agreed"

"Right" Ianto settled, "So. The next FP will be someone offering you a gift. A pretty woman named..."

"Mary" Tosh said with surprise, "How did you...oh. Right, the surveillance, I thought I was past my probation."

Tosh looked at Jack who blinked back with open confusion then snorted, "Right. That. Um...you know how I said you had a tracker, CCTV was utilised by my VM to track and listen in and you flat was bugged?"

"Yes."

"I lied" Jack shrugged, "A big fat massive lie. I only said that because UNIT were listening for a while you I know you couldn't fake it."

"So how do you know about this?" Tosh lifted the necklace, "I thought this entire charade was to get to this. The whole telepathy thing tipped me off to you knowing. Look, I've not worn it here, I've not...not...Ianto?"

Ianto was staring at her with a look akin to someone choking and it was Jack that spoke "Put it on Toshi girl."

She hastily place it around her neck knowing she would get Ianto's misery and Jack's amusement but she was not prepared for what she got.

Nothing.

"Ready?" Ianto whispered as she looked at him as he reached out to take her hand, "OK Tosh, I will release one thought from my shields, are you ready?"

She frowned.

_Toshiko stood in the room sobbing as her mother stood in front of her, bound and gagged. The man holding her was not being rough but forceful as he demanded Tosh complete the Sonic Modulator._

Ianto let her have a moment as she struggled to remain calm, the memory so vivid it was like it had just happened in the next room.

"Are you OK?" Ianto whispered, "Do you wish to see another?"

"No" she swallowed thickly, "I do want to call my mother if that's OK."

"Of course" Jack said as he rose to stand and watch her scurry to the meeting room for some privacy, her hands shaking as she called her parents. "In some she doesn't save her. In this one she managed to evade capture, the scheme found before her mother was even involved. I met her during her debrief. That memory, that was from another Toshiko?"

"Yeah" Ianto nodded, "One with only her mother left, not both parents and her brother Hiroshi. Jack, was I too harsh? My own life has been so cruel, I sometimes find people reacting to things that don't faze me. I tried to find something she would recognise even if it had not happened here."

"Well she believes you now" Jack said as he fought the urge to pull Ianto close, Ianto solving his dilemma by moving to lean against the desk so their hips touched, looking down at their feet.

"Ianto?" Jack whispered, "Look at me."

Ianto's eyes lifted and he met Jack's. Jack reached for his hand and pulled their bodies flush as he looked into Ianto's eyes, "You are strong. You were nor defeated, here you stand. Here. You won. As long at you take your next breath, you won."

"And those things?" Ianto whispered, "When they come and fart on me?"

Jack tried to maintain the serious look but the giggling was inevitable as Ianto showed that child-like ability he had to get straight to Javic Thane hiding in the back of Jack's mind.

"Well, can't you hold your breath like a normal person?" Jack asked with wide eyes.

Their laughter was soft but light as Ianto let his head sit against Jack's shoulder for moment before rising then resuming his work. It was as much affection as he had ever allowed Jack with others in the hub.

Jack felt the whispered promise that maybe one day there would be more.


	12. Kong Cooper

"Suzie" Ianto said softly and Jack turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow, "We did put her on ice, right?"

"Yes" Jack said slowly, "And found the fat bald buy that she had brainwashed, good save there. What is it?"

"I had this image of her sneering at me right there in the interrogation room as I was cleaning it" Ianto said, looking back with open worry as Jack canted his head.

"Ianto, why were you cleaning it? I've not used it since....well. Not for a while." Jack suddenly remembered when it was last used, the subject of interrogation turning to look back at him with such fear that Jack crossed the room to pull him close, "Hey. Whatever it was, it isn't here. OK? Not here. It was there, turn the page Tiger."

"Rwar" Ianto whispered, blinking as he focused on Jack and shook off his fear.

"All your life, you've felt this ... all your life haven't you" Jack said sadly, "So many things that might have happened, so many versions like a groundhog day all happening in seconds. Ianto, I am so sorry you faced that alone."

"Jack I...." Ianto froze and Jack wondered what he had done wrong, then felt it too so he turned to look at Gwen who stood in the doorway of his office with a look of open shock.

"Gwen, can you give us a minute?" Jack asked calmly, "Ianto and I have having a private moment. You know how it is this suit does things to me, especially the purple lining. So sexy."

Ianto blushed and smiled softly as Jack turned to face Gwen and effectively block Ianto from her thoughts as they swirled around her head like the aeroplanes around King Kong. Jack swallowed back a hysterical snort, trying to block Ianto's image of Gwen on the top of the empire state building swatting with open malice.

"I...¦sorry...I...I didn't know you two were dabbling" she gushed and Jack watched King Kong fall with her head blown apart by an angry red baron, his snarling face and red flapping scarf familiar.

"Ianto and I are not dabbling Gwen, but I understand you thinking that. Ianto is a private person and I have respected that with regards to the workplace. I have feelings for him and would like a relationship with him that goes beyond the confines of Torchwood." Jack smiled disarmingly, "So please remember that in work hours he is my faithful Personal Assistant and after hours he is the one wearing the pants, I mean...mine will already be around my ankles."

"Stop it!" Ianto chastised with his blush deep but his pleasure thrummed as Jack turned to leer back at him. He knew Gwen had raced off with her face a flaming red but didn't care, all he saw was the glow around Ianto as he stepped into his arms, the open joy as Jack vanquished Kong for him.

"My Hero" Ianto whispered as he leaned in and kissed Jack. Chaste. Sweet. Enriching.

"My reason to be heroic" Jack replied softly, stroking the temple of his sweetling and the bruise still blooming from his vicious head butt to the cannibal who was now just another memory. "How are your poor ribs?"

"I can breathe a bit easier today" Ianto answered then sighed and stepped away from him again as the office door slammed back against the wall and Jack spun with surprise as it hadn't been shut. Owen was entering the room and Jack wondered what Gwen had said, especially as Owen was focused on Ianto.

"Breakfast" Owen barked and Jack frowned at the tone.

"You could have eaten before you came in ..." Jack started but stopped as he caught Ianto's' flicker of annoyance at Owen. "Ianto?"

"He is not asking for food, he is asking if I have eaten" Ianto explained, "Owen has realised that I use food as a reward or punishment. Much like my father did. When I feel like a slug I don't have an appetite. He is worried as he has looked in the dishwasher and can detect no bowl or spoon. He is sneaky little bastard like that."

"I'm not little" Owen grumped, "Yeah, I did look. Not even your cup."

_So you admit you are a sneaky bastard then._

"I took him across the Quay for breakfast at the cafe" Jack said calmly trying not to snigger at Ianto's random thought, "He has toast and scrambled eggs, two cups of coffee and a chocolate muffin as well."

Owen blinked, his shock clear as he looked at Ianto "Really? You ate an entire meal? Didn't do that leaving half thing you try?"

"Yes Owen" Ianto grinned, "He distracted me with tales of his childhood and I was drinking his orange juice as well."

"I didn't mind, I liked sharing my drink with you" Jack said softly, "I thought it was sweet."

"Stop it!" Ianto scolded, the blush cute as he glanced over at him with his chin tucked in to show he meant it.

Jack shrugged as he turned to look at Owen again.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah" Owen squared his shoulders and looked up at the man who easily outranked and could out fight him with an arm tired behind his back, "You hurt him and I will kill you."

Ianto was almost as shocked at Owen was that he had just said that as Jack snorted softly and promised his intent was to never harm Ianto.

Ianto was touched.

.

.

.

.

.

I know this story is a bit intense for some of you and I am sorry if it is too frantic to keep up with, you see this is Ianto's mind. This is my daily battle, how I interpret the world, so many words, thoughts and the desperate need to be understood and accepted. Another few chaps and Ianto will feel satisfied that he tried his hardest, you see this is a flaw that can't be fixed either, the need to be understood.


	13. led up the garden path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://postimages.org/)  
> 

Ianto stood on the bow of the boat looking across the water towards the island, his hair curling with the mist and he looked so young, so impossibly young as he closed his eyes and lifted his face to breathe in the salty air. There had been something Gwen wanted to investigate, some guy that had been killed that used to stalk her and even though he was sure it was nothing to do with Torchwood he let her go in the hopes it would finally shake off the PC mentality she clung to. He had asked Jack to go with him on an errand and was now enjoying a Gwen-free day.

Jack was piloting the small boat towards the dock, his eyes flickering between the berth and the beauty, the large black man appearing out of the thick mist making Ianto jump, them laugh at himself for his reaction when he knew he would be there to catch the guideline like every time, "Hey Samuel."

"Hello Ianto" the man said with a surprisingly soft voice, reaching out to take the rope and pull the vessel flush, then reach again for Ianto but Jack was already there, scooping Ianto up by his waist as he squealed and slapped at him.

Helen and Margaret stood back with their matching frowns lifting as they watched this interaction for the first time.

"Well now" Helen muttered.

"Told you" Margaret hissed back at her twin sister and the two then turned to look at each other and nod.

"OH MY GOD!" Jack said with shock, clutching at his heart with exaggerated glee, "I just realised, I will be in a room with my Welshman and the sexy twins all at the same time. Samuel, you have to come too....if ya know what I....OW!"

Ianto had slapped him on the arm and he acted like it had been a death blow, crying as he fell to his knees.

"Ignore him" Ianto said as he wafted past, his Burberry flapping about his knees, "I accidentally gave him the full strength coffee in his flask and he drank it like a bloody wino"

"It was good too" Jack assured them as he clambered to his feet, "But he's made it for you right? Nectar, elixir..."

"Enough words, thank you. Lovely and fulfilling to know you like it sir" Ianto said to remind him they were on duty and Jack immediately struck the hero pose.

"Right. Yes, lead on McJones" Jack demanded in a deep voice and Ianto rolled his eyes and sighed, both women fighting giggles as they could clearly see the two were playing some game, Jack earning another slap, this time to his butt and his face was glowing with delight as he raced past them up the path to stop at the bottom of the steps, "Ladies. Piggyback?"

"Oh dear God, tell me it's all gone" Margaret giggled as Jack crouched over to try and encourage her, "He's impossible."

"I say that all the time, nobody ever listens" Ianto agreed with her, his Poe face making it even more funny as Jack shuffled his butt as him and slapped a butt cheek.

"Come on lover, I gotcha" Jack panted excitedly "He ain't heavy....he's my lover"

"Oh no, now he's bastardising a good song" Ianto wailed, "Oh the humanity."

Then to everyone's delight he flung himself over Jack's back like it was the done thing and Jack roared as he staggered up the three steps and then Ianto climbed off, shooting his cuffs and sniffing with distain, "Right. Gardens look good."

Ianto proceeded to wander off as Jack raced after him and the three workmates all watched Jack catch up and then walk normally.

"I never thought they would make it" Samuel said to his sisters, "After all this time they finally see one another."

"Oh I think they always did Sammy" Helen said with a sage nod of her head.

"Yes, the problem was they thought they were invisible to the other. It's the realisation that they are both real that has done it. Something had happened and they took a moment to look at one another and see themselves looking back." Margret said as she started to walk, "Come on, they are heading for your pigs and I want to see if he tries to ride one."

"Ah hell, if he does his nibs won't let him on the boat with him. Not if he stinks of pig shit, you know Ianto hates the smell of them" Samuel snorted as he hurried after her and their sister looked back at the mist with a soft smile.

"About time" she whispered to the gods, "About bloody time."

She turned and followed the path they had taken, around the small outcrop of rocks and pretty flowers growing haphazardly amongst them, most planted by Ianto himself so they would have a pleasant walk on a sunny day. When just him visiting he has a twin on each arm, the two women feeling like they are shepherding a sweet little lamb along but today she revelled in the knowledge that he was no sheep, but in the eyes of the Captain he was a handsome young man who shone with the knowing of it.

About bloody time he remembered how to smile that one.


	14. Owen's reflection

"OK, I want to tell a story" Ianto said softly as he settled into the corner of the sofa where he liked to hide sometimes. "I will talk and you will listen, I will be as clear as I can be and you will try to keep up. OK?"

He didn't wait for the nod, simply beginning, "In the beginning there was a little boy who walked in the shadows. He was a mirror. Do you know what a mirror is? Of course you do. A mirror is something you look at that looks back at you. Like a void that echoes your own self. OK? So, anyway. I didn't know that other people were not mirrors, could not see themselves. I found this interesting, they found me terrifying because they saw themselves. I never saw myself reflected back so I was unsure if they saw me you see. Sliding along. They were all sheep, all the same cold and uncaring stare that I thought was me too. I didn't know. First time I looked into a true mirror I didn't know what I was looking at, had never seen it before. Endless. Like, a video camera recording itself on a screen, you know the same image over and over again in smaller increments. That's what I saw. Eternity."

Ianto took a drink of the tea that was cooling, the next words coming "You see, I am not a sheep. Not at all. Not a wolf either so don't worry about that, no. The sheep didn't like me became I didn't match, didn't copy the same. See? Like...like a dragon slumbering for so long moss grew, then it became dirt, then grass grew over it, then trees. A mountain. People looked at me and saw a mound of dirt. They didn't see the dragon within. I am a dragon."

Ianto looked at his friend to see if he was understood and saw that he had gone off topic, "Sorry, what I mean to say is that I see people, their true selves. I can see who they are, not who they try to be. Something that is terrifying all around sometimes. I used to think I was the only one able to but now I have found Jack. He sees me too. I look at him and see me. Crazy and very disconcerting at first. I am able to look at him now without it feeling, how do I say this... wrong? The centre of gravity sort of shifts when we look at one another. I am not explaining very well am I"

"So, your Empathic Abilities make you able to see the pain in others. Your pain you have suffered makes other's pain more obvious?" Owen asked as he contemplated.

"Yes" Ianto slumped with relief, he did get it after all or at least part of it, "I recognise me. That's right. Pain, loss, sorrow, confusion, want. I see them in people, something of it anyway. Now Jack has shown me himself and I see me as clear as day. Jack and I are in tune. We are the same. Why it works"

Owen knew he had drunk far too much and was a little confused as he watched Ianto spread the blanket over him, "Why are you telling me this shite?"

"Owen, I see you" Ianto sat on the edge of the sofa he had tucked Owen into, "I see the boy without affection. I see how terrified boarding school Owen was and how alone you are. I see you lust after her and scold yourself for even thinking you have a chance. I see you Owen. I see me. You can't con a conman. Stop this. You go after the obtainable fucks so you can pretend they matter, you matter for that moment. You come here and boast about it and watch her in the hopes that one day she will look at you with the same loathing you feel in your heart. You want her to mirror it."

"That why you warned me off Diane?"

"Diane is leaving, has probably already taken off" Ianto said as he placed the cup in its saucer with the upmost care, "I am saying that railing against the world will not matter a damn. Screaming from the rooftop is as good as pissing into the wind. You did not love Diane, she did not love you. That mirror was clear enough. You are not sad that she is gone. You are pissed that she was here. That she lied, that she could copy you so well you thought it was a reflection but really, she is just a good artist. Some do charcoal, some watercolours but gods she was good at casting that illusion of sameness. Owen. Look at me."

Owen looked up with fear and saw something that stilled his heart.

Ianto was small, alone and tired with circles under his eyes that made Owen want to hold him and make it better. Ianto was afraid, his body language that of fight or flee and his defiant stare had a hint of danger to it like he might spontaneously combust or fall to the floor with the drama of it.

"There you are" Ianto whispered, "See? I see you. I see me."

Ianto gathered Owen into his arms as Owen clutched at him and they sat for a while in the warmth of the embrace.

Owen finally got it.

Ianto was a mirror.

Owen had just met himself.


	15. Not her

"Do you want to try Gwen next?" Jack asked and he got to see a rare dance of horror as Ianto shivered and yucked.

"really?" Jack asked with surprise, "Not even a little? Is that fair?"

Ianto sighed and looked at the book on Jack's desk, "It's just...she is an unknown variable. Each version has a different bent to it that is more extreme than the others. In the others Owen is always annoying but secretly good. Tosh is always sexy but doesn't know it and strives to save the world. Gwen is...well. Your wife, your lover, your mistress, an evil alien, my murderer, even my mother in one that was just so...so...wrong."

Jack canted his head, "So, all mine?"

Ianto looked through his lashes and saw the merriment in Jack's eyes, "Cheeky."

Jack leered "Are you all mine, always?"

"Look, she changes like a kaleidoscope" Ianto smiled, "I can't get a fix on her."

Jack pulled him close and smelt his hair, still green apple today, "But I am the same?"

"Oh Jack, you are the one constant" Ianto smiled as he took his hand and cupped Jack's face "You are my fixed point, all the rest flies around you like leaves in a dust storm, when I am with you we are at the epicentre, in the eye of the storm safe."

"safe?" Jack whispered, "you are safe with me?"

"Always" Ianto nodded as his head fell forward and they stood for a moment.

"Excuse me" Gwen sad as she stormed in and Ianto jumped as he went to move away but Jack's hands were clasped around his hips stopping him and Jack turned to glare at her with open annoyance.

"Gwen, knocking is a rare concept these days but once upon a time it was considered the polite thing to do when interrupting a private conversation whilst entering a room" Jack growled.

"Well it's about the weevils gong missing and Owen thinks..."

"No. It's an underground ring using them for fighting. I've already passed it all on to Andy so he can 'stumble' across them while the weevils are released out the back door. A good man that." Ianto argued, Jack watching with surprise as Ianto finally showed some claws.

"Andy" she scoffed, "Andy Davison?"

"Your partner that always finished your paperwork like you expect me to now" Ianto nodded, "yes. Him. He will do so, Owen can meet them as they go through the sewer and scan them, shoot a chip at them if he likes but I do not want him undercover in a danger zone. He is still getting to grips with some feelings and does not need a stirring up. Leave him alone!"

Jack watched Ianto bristle and got an image of a forlorn Owen looking at an oblivious Tosh as she bristled at a crowing Gwen. It had never occurred to him that she made Tosh feel inferior, but she was so shiny I guess.

"Ianto is right" Jack nodded and Gwen gaped.

"The office boy?" she asked, "Really?"

"The longest serving Torchwood operative here bar me?" Jack replied, "Ianto is a senior agent, did you not know that? Gwen you need to stop thinking like a cop. Stop thinking of rank, if it is so important to you, I am the Captain, Ianto is a lieutenant same as Owen and Tosh. You are an officer, a general grunt."

Gwen's face showed her horror, "But, I replaced Suzie, I am your second."

"Owen is" Jack said with confusion, "Owen always has been. Ianto doesn't want it, I am enough work as it is without all that blarney. Gods, you took her spot, not her place."

"Gwen, you are a great addition to the team but still need to learn some of the finer points before you could stand in Jack's place at a UNIT function or something, there are codes, rules and catchphrases you have to use, avoid and such." Ianto spoke calmly now as she focused on him "Owen knows all of this, is cleared for the classified areas he can access, some meetings are held in secret bases and such. He goes monthly and you have never even noticed him missing from the Hub."

"Oh" she blinked, "I didn't' know."

"I have responsibilities as well, things I do outside the Hub for the betterment of the team, or things that are part of my job that you need never know about" Ianto sat and looked at her kindly, "Gwen, I move the bodies, re-enact crime scenes and sometimes remove trace evidence. I know things, see things and know you can be a great warrior when the time comes. I have faith in your ability to be a mama bear, you just need to learn to prioritise."

Jack wondered what Ianto had seen, Ianto blocking him as Gwen bristled again and he released Ianto was hiding something. Protecting him from some image or memory. Gwen had done something, might do something that causes harm. Ianto was trying to lead her on the right path.

Jack thought of the conversation with Tosh about weeds and realised Gwen was on the shiny path, not the fun one. Ianto was beckoning from the shadows, enticing her to put sensible shoes on.

"Yes" Ianto suddenly said, "Your shoes. Please have some good running shoes Gwen, you almost broke your neck the other day."

"Yes Mum" she grinned as she settled, "You are right, I forgot when I started running."

Ianto nodded and looked like he had made some sort of breakthrough.

Whatever it was, Jack was sure Ianto and he were solid.


	16. specks that sparkle

"You think too much" Jack said out of the blue as Ianto was making coffee, doing the shopping list, re-categorising his files and trying to remember where Owen left his stethoscope.

"Huh?"

"Ianto, you are constantly thinking, did you know you talk in your sleep, those rare times you do sleep?"

Ianto turned to face him with a look of confusion, "Jack, it's what I do. My brain is hard wired for it. You know, you are the first person to quiet it for a while? Why I sleep when I am with you, you are silence itself."

"Ianto, you seem almost frantic in there sometimes like a mouse in a maze smelling the cheese but never able to find it" Jack sighed, "I just wish you could switch off."

"A touch, a smile. A blowjob, sometimes just holding hands as we walk along the water, it all quietens my soul" Ianto assured him with a snort of amusement, "Jack I know I have been a bit intense trying to get Owen and Tosh on board, I am sorry. It's been too much for Owen and almost enough for Tosh. I know what you are saying. I did enjoy the other day on the water. It's quiet there too, like a disconnect from the land stops the power surges or something."

"You hear the sorrow of the world," Jack said with his own sadness apparent, "You try so hard to overcome it love."

"I am thankful for my struggle, without it I wouldn't have had the strength to look you in the eye" Ianto said after he considered "Jack, I never look at a mountain and see the grass blowing in the breeze as you do. I look and wonder how long it would take me to move it."

Jack blinked and then sniggered, "You and your ponderings. My gods, you must have been a sullen little one."

"Silent as a lamb" Ianto laughed, "Like most wolves are."

"I am sorry you suffered, you know you are stronger than the one who never felt your pain right?" Jack canted his head and Ianto parodied him as he tried to see what he was thinking, the silence unnerving and comforting at the same time.

"I'm thinking we need a boat trip, you and I" Jack finally said, "A picnic lunch, the water lapping against the hull and nothing else to do but watch clouds. Out there far from land or any power surges."

"Owen will have a cow if not invited" Ianto frowned and Jack felt a wave of affection as Ianto worried about the little one.

"Ianto one day you will not feel the need to hold someone else to the light. One day you will feel worthy of that light as well" Jack said as he moved towards the door, "I will wait or you, I can't wait for the day you ask me for shade."

Ianto smiled as he watched his coat say goodbye last, flicking around the doorframe and then he considered things.

He was thinking too much wasn't he. Gods, the poor little cockney bastard had been almost ready to explode with all he had poured his knowledge into him, expanding like a balloon, growing so thin and fragile even as Tosh had been strengthened and hardened by the same exchange. Humans are so complex. He wondered how long it would take before they found their own selves in their own chaos.

Alexithymia is something he had suffered most of his life, to finally be able to voice his feelings made him tristful to the point of lunacy. See? There he goes being a show-off.

Ianto snorted as his mind muttered to itself to shut up for five bloody minutes, Jack was right. The quieter you become the more you can hear. Ianto sat and tried to still the many things battling for dominance in the back of his head, his memory room suddenly stilling and settling into some form of chaotic order that only he might understand.

A picnic.

Ianto rose and stumbled to the kitchen where Tosh found him sedately making chicken and lettuce sandwiches.

"What are you doing?" she asked softly.

"I am being dust."

"Dust?" she frowned as she leaned against the table, "Explain?"

"I am sitting here, unassuming as I wait for a breeze to blow though and kick me up into the air, make me dance, become real and relevant. Let the sunlight catch me and make me visible to the naked eye" Ianto said as he placed the sandwiches in a basket, "I am dust waiting for my ride."

"You know sometimes you are almost too deep" she told him softly, "Sometimes I fear you are a mere construct in my mind I created to keep me company in my own hell."

Ianto turned with surprise, like he only noticed her in the room now, "Toshiko. Don't be silly, for it would be I that created you. So pretty, perfectly clever and yet able to trip on something no one else even sees on the hub floor. A small flaw that makes you more perfect. Silly."

Tosh blushed as she watched him now place bottles of juice in the basket, "A picnic."

"Jack is taking me for a spin around the bay in one of the boats, he feels I need the air in my hair."

"A breeze to lift you up" she said as she smiled, "Just dust."

He leaned in and the kiss was both unexpected and sweet as he pressed his lips to her cheek.

"Specks like us are more than _just_ dust pretty one" he whispered as he closed the lid of the basket, "We are glitter."

Her laughter followed him as he skipped across the hub to the stairs that would lead him down to the docks and his lover waiting.

The air he needed.

.

.

.

.

Alexithymia (n) the inability to express your feelings.

Tristful (agj.) Deeply yet romantically melancholy


	17. the fall

The boat had needed the fuel tank filling so Ianto had gone back for sunscreen and such that he lamented was missing from the medicine chest. So cute, so efficient as he also said a second picnic basket might be nice for afternoon tea. High tea on the high seas. Jack felt the childlike playfulness creeping in and knew Owen had to come.

Jack called after him "Change into something casual, you don't want that suit crinkling."

Jack skipped through the levels to see if Ianto was ready and inadvertently walked into a warzone. The trenches both fractions had once been workstations but now it was clear that he stood in no man's land.

He looked to his left where Gwen was snarling openly across the void.

He looked to his right where Tosh was returning fire with a smug grin.

_OK, missed something?_

_Gwen insulted Tosh's shoes._

Jack turned to Ianto and bowed slightly as a silent thank you for the heads up and as he walked calmly between the two frontline forces he glanced down at Tosh's boots, practical and sturdy yet cute with a fringe around the top. She looked like she might snuggle by the fire with a cup of cocoa or sludge through the wilderness to save a newborn lamb.

A snigger in the back of his mind told him he was waxing lyrical so he grinned at the irony of Ianto accusing him of such a thing.

"Nice kicks there Tosh" he said happily, enjoying her flash of triumph as Gwen huffed, then back-up arrived and it all turned to custard.

Well.

You see Owen was eating some, a pot of the stuff Ianto had made for him knowing he had an afternoon autopsy he would forget to eat after so as always Ianto catered for his friend and Owen stood eating directly from the pot he had snagged off the stove with the large stirring spoon.

Yes.

Owen with a stirring spoon was stirring the pot.

Now you get it right?

"Did you just call her a slob?" he demanded, his spoon flicking custard across the space to land in Gwen's left tit.

_Tit._

_Stop it._

Jack sniggered into his hand as he ducked his head and tried to remain calm, Ianto's scolding sounding so much like the Doctor just then.

"Right, Gwen I suggest you apologise. After all Tosh is simply doing what she was asked to do, what you were both asked to do. Stop wearing heels and wear more practical shoes" Jack said like he didn't realise the tension in the air, "I see you got some converse. Nice looking shoes too. You know the Doctor wears Converse."

"He does?" Owen asked as he glanced at Ianto and did a double take.

Ianto had stepped into the hub with the picnic basket, his jeans a change from trousers and the hooded sweatshirt was open to show a red t-shirt beneath the charcoal sweatshirt. The red socks peeked from the black converse.

"What?" Ianto asked, his eyebrows raised in question.

"Are you the Doctor in some incarnation we've not met yet?" Owen asked and Ianto blinked, then roared with mirth.

"Owen how many times have you examined me, I think you are clever enough to have found two hearts in that case ya numpty" Ianto chortled and to everyone's surprise Owen laughed as well, then pointed at the basket.

"Where are ya going?"

"Water watching" Ianto said happily, then looked at Jack who remembered the earlier request.

"Yes going to test some of the gear, Tosh you can monitor the depth sensors as we drop them around the bay, Owen if that autopsy can stay on ice you can come and help navigate, I will pilot of course because I am the Captain." Jack said grandly.

"And Ianto?" Gwen pouted, "What's he good for?"

"More than he will ever let me say in public" Jack leered, then looked pensive, "Well....who do you think will lean over to drop the bloody things?"

"I could do that" she bristled.

"Yeah, butcha not!" Owen sang as he skipped over to take the basket, "I got that buddy"

Gwen gaped as Ianto handed it over with a look of pleasure, "Thank you Owen, brilliant. I'll fill a thermos or two eh?"

"Yay" Owen said with a child-like glee.

Gwen looked around and focused once again on Jack, "Well what am I supposed to do?"

Jack pointed to her desk and the pile of paperwork waiting for her, then leaned back with a grin, "Or you can go get my laundry if ya like, I think I wanna wear my double breasted shirt tomorrow. Tiger? Is my double breasted in the wash?"

"Yes Cariad" Ianto said thoughtlessly as he hunted in the cupboard for the flask Owen liked and Jack watched Gwen blush with anger as the endearment echoed.

Jack knew it would echo for quite some time to come so he decided it was time to put a cherry on the top, just to ensure it was not a moment to be forgotten.

Ianto emerged with a bag that had flasks and water bottles inside and he headed towards Jack with his look full of glee. Jack was reaching for the bag, hoping to hook his wrist and pull him in for a public display that would anger her beyond belief.

Her foot shooting out to trip him was both unexpected and totally obvious.

Jack's roar of anger was unexpected too.

The only thing that was expected was the slam of Ianto into the grating of the floor.

.

.

.

.

I am glad some of you are connecting with this story, it is one of the few where I show myself. The Ianto in this story this version so close to me and I know those of you who see yourselves reflected as well understand exactly what I am saying here.

Here in the shadows where we feel safe.

Silent and watchful.


	18. Crash of reality

Jack leapt to Ianto who had landed with a terrifying thud, gathering him into his arms as he asked him gently to answer him. Owen rushed to check him as Gwen looked down with triumph.

"Oh pet, I didn't see you there" she purred, "Oh dear, I hope that wasn't a flask breaking."

Tosh was walking over and Owen looked up in time to see her hand shoot out, striking Gwen across the face and Gwen shrieked as she stumbled back again the workstation.

"You bitch" Tosh roared, "You deliberately did that!"

"Ianto" Jack said softly, alarmed as he felt nothing from the man who sat silently in his arms, "Talk to me. Come on Tiger."

"I'm fine" Ianto ground out, struggling to his feet and looking around for somewhere to escape to, Jack reasoned what he wanted and stepped aside to let him race towards the stairs to flee down to the lower levels.

"Is he OK?" Owen asked and Jack shrugged then turned to face Gwen who was holding a hand over her cheek with open horror.

"Get out" Jack said slowly, "Go home and take the rest of the day to compose your apology."

"What?" she blustered with anger, "Wait a minute, she just hit me!"

"You know something? I might hit women too" Jack roared, "Wanna try me?"

Gwen's eyes grew wide and she staggered to her workstation, grabbing her jacket and purse before storming for the doors, "Oh and Gwen?"

She stopped and turned to face him, tears starting to fall.

"If you do not give a convincing apology or Ianto does not accept it you need to be ready for the possibility that you might have gone a step too far."

"What do you mean?" she asked with wide eyes.

"If Ianto was hurt just then or you don't show an appropriate level of contrition you might have a review pending" Tosh answered with her hands on her hips "And just so you know? I already have my vote ready!"

Owen had followed Ianto and found him on the floor in the open cell next to Janet's with his head against the glass and Janet crooning softly as she stroked the glass like she might stroke his hair.

"Ianto?"

Ianto looked up and Owen sighed as he saw the sorrow, sitting next to him and placing a hand on his knee, "Great isn't it? Everything seems to be finally making sense and then a huge bird shits on your head again."

"I forgot"

"Forgot what mate?"

"That I don't exist" Ianto whispered, "For a moment, for a wonderful stupid moment I let myself exist. I forgot how dangerous it is to be seen. To be real"

Owen sighed again, totally understanding his friend's turmoil then he looked down and frowned, "Your wrist?"

"It's not broken" Ianto said sullenly, "I fell onto the bag with the flasks in it and twisted the wrist, bent it back. It's sprained, not broken."

"Do you need a splint? Does it hurt to rotate it?" Owen was all business as he tried to sit on his hands instead of reaching for it like he might have someone else. It was hard to respect Ianto's hatred of touching and Ianto gingerly held it out and moved it for him.

"See?"

"OK, maybe a soft brace so if it swells it's not going to get in the way?" Owen was almost begging as he saw the twitch at the corner of Ianto's eye that betrayed the pain he was in.

"As long as no one sees" Ianto whispered, "I don't what her to know she hurt me. I don't want to give her that power. Do you understand?"

"If she hurt you then you were real. If we pretend she didn't then you can still pretend you don't exist, right? I think Jack told her to piss off, she's gone mate" Owen said as he stood, "come on. I will put a little soft compression brace on that and we will get on that boat, yeah? I wanna feed the birds on the water."

Ianto lit up as he loked up at him and stood as well, going up and seeing the place was indeed Gwen-free. He left Owen put a bandage on the wrist then as he heard Jack shuffling about he pulled it back to hide once more, Jack looking down into the med bay with open concern, "You OK?"

"Yep"

He didn't pop the P and Jack noticed, hesitating and glancing back in time to see Owen pulling at the arm to finish the bandage.

He was hurt.

She had hurt him.

Jack felt the rush of anger as his mouth filled with a sour taste, the knowledge that not only did she manage to harm him but he was so hurt inside that he had hidden it from everyone, even him. Jack schooled his features then leaned over the railing again, "If you two are finished making balloon animals with condoms I want to go play on the water. Come on."

Two faces turned up, two little boys and Jack saw their shared remorse for the ruining of a great mood. Jack grinned as he knew he would soon make it better.

"Last one on the boat has to gut the first fish we catch" he called then watched both of them gasp eyes widening as they both took a run up the stairs for the exit.

Jack followed sedately with a gentle smile.

They were so sweet and naughty at the same time.

He was glad Ianto had a friend he could talk to other than him, sometimes able to confine in someone over something he knew Jack might take personally and go stomping all over.

Let's get real.

Jack would crush the entire world if it helped Ianto.


	19. Strike One?

"OK?"

Ianto rolled his head to look at Jack and consider the answer, then he smiled, "Yeah."

He lay on the bow of the boat in the sun, his hoodie long gone and the sunscreen liberally applied. He was currently doing a pretty fair impression of a large cat, happy and content to simply laze in the moment. He was so...so... unIantoish that Jack wanted to crow, letting himself indulge in a little leer instead. "Because, in case I've not said it today, you look pretty damn fine to me too"

"Oh god, do you have to live with that?" Owen muttered from the stern of the boat where he was leaning over to look own into the water, his fishing rod in his hand. "At least he was last on the boat so he has to gut my fishie!"

"Hey, leave him alone" Ianto shot back, "He is trying."

"Very sometimes" Owen quipped, enjoying the Ianto that was out here. He hadn't realised how different Ianto was when not feeling trapped or looked at and he was now leaning back to watch Jack as he pulled his shades down on this nose to peer over the rims at the godlike creature.

"At least it didn't rain like was forecast" he said and Ianto hummed.

"Don't be worried about a little rain, nothing grows without it" Ianto rolled onto his side and looked directly at Jack, the soft smile endearing as he let his fingers stroke the boat like a lover. Jack found it so erotic.

"So. What about Gwen?" Owen asked.

"Let it go" Ianto sighed as he rolled onto his back and Jack hid his annoyance as he lost the contact again, "She's not worth the thought process. So much energy expended on something that really doesn't matter. I mean, think about it. This time next year will I even care? Why care now."

"I guess" Own huffed, "But she is so...dense."

"Owen, life is a crazy ride so stop going around the roundabout, you'll just get dizzy" Ianto sat up and frowned as he looked out over the water, "One big crazy ride man."

Owen snorted and then said in a deep voice, "Deep man."

Ianto sniggered and slid to the edge of the upper deck so Jack could reach out and have the pleasure of helping him down, hand sliding over hips and a soft kiss before Ianto moved to the picnic basket for a sandwich.

"Owen everything has an expiration date, even feelings" Ianto looked up and watched a bird fly overhead with open delight, "Stop holding onto the anger or annoyance. It never ends well. Let it go. Breathe. Look, you wanted to feed the birds."

Owen grinned and reached for the bag of popped corn, flinging some over the side to watch the birds swoop in around them.

"you know I would rather have no friends and be able to be myself that act like those I want as friends and lose what it is to be myself" Ianto said after he had chewed and swallowed, "Gwen brings out the bitch in me. I can't help it, I mirror her and feel this flood of annoyance like the world it talking too long. Too long to open the door, too long to acknowledge me, too long to be grateful I am here. Ya know? When I peek at her all I get is a white noise that makes my teeth tingle"

"I don't get her either" Owen nodded, "One minute she is making a brilliant move on a case and the next she is sitting in a mud hole we all avoided, even warned her about. It's like an idiot savant or something."

Ianto snorted, "Are you comparing her to Rain Man?"

"I don't know" Owen said with a frown, "Have you tired dropping toothpicks and then asking her to count them?"

Ianto started to laugh, a soft snort at first then a giggle, and then he roared with mirth as Owen looked at Jack with triumph, finally tickling Ianto's funny bone with an old movie reference some might not get.

"hey man I don't sugar coat shit" Owen pouted dramatically, "I'm not Willy Wonka!"

"You are a twat!" Ianto choked out, "But a lovable one."

"Well...thanks" Owen bowed, then frowned, "I think."

"Seriously, she doesn't hear the same music, I cannot tell her the words because they don't make sense to her" Ianto addressed Jack not Owen, "Magic in the words doesn't work if you don't believe in that magic. It's like...I am singing a rock ballad and she is listening to reggae. It's not gonna fit. If she can't hear my song then I am simply making noise at her."

"Ianto I am not asking you to forgive her, I am only asking that you give her the chance to repent" Jack finally said with open pleading in his voice, "She is a good agent and I worked hard to procure hr. I don't want to give up on her yet, I have hope that she can learn. I will though, if you want me to. If you can't work together then it's a done deal but please try? I will not make the same mistakes, I will be harder on her and make her understand your place."

Ianto sighed softly as he looked back out over the water, "OK. One more."

"Once more into the breech!" Owen said in a silly voice and Ianto's smile was soft.

Thoughtful.

Jack wished somehow he could take back what he had just asked of Ianto.

Somehow it had just cost him something.

Damn.


	20. Gwen's reflection

Gwen stood patiently as Ianto eyeballed the parcel she had placed on the table with great pomp and ceremony.

"Go on, open it!" she demanded with a poke at his shoulder.

Ianto picked it up and carefully removed the bright ribbon, placing it to one side then he picked at the edge of the paper. Gwen made a noise and then wilted as Jack's head turned to look at her with open annoyance.

"A book" Ianto said with surprise, turning it over in his hands.

"Well, you like them" she shrugged, "The bookstore girl said it was one all the toffs and yuppies were reading."

Ianto looked up at her and gently placed the book on the table as Owen face palmed behind her.

"You know, people often make the mistake of thinking I am stuck up or I somehow look down at them because I don't say much" Ianto sighed, "You know, all my life people have accused me of acting superior. I don't say much because I don't like people looking at me. I don't join a conversation because I like to listen to other people, I like their ideas, thoughts and sometimes I even agree with them. It is not my fault I sometimes lose interest. I don't stand back because I don't like you, I stand back because I don't want you to lose interest in me. I have spent my whole life being disregarded."

"But you sort of...just sit there" she said, "You correct me and sometimes you look at me like I'm nuts."

"Sometimes?" Owen muttered.

"See?" Ianto demanded, "I try to interact and I am immediately accused of being stuck up again. See? I don't know why I have to do this at all. Why can't I just not exist?"

"Because you do exit, like it or not" Jack gently leaned against him, "I know you hate interacting, you hate having to focus your thoughts but sometimes you have to. Consider this an exercise in focused interaction."

Ianto's expression showed what he thought of it and Jack laughed softly, "Look. Gwen did try, it is a good book right?"

Ianto looked at it and then at Jack before lifting it up to offer it to him, "Well I've not read it."

Jack looked at Ianto and grinned as he accepted it and then liked at the title.

**Understanding Women and How to Date Them.**

Jack stared at it and then blinked slowly. Then he looked at Gwen and blinked again.

"Is this a joke?" he asked with the same slow blink as he held the book out to her and she grinned as she took it and turned to address Owen and Tosh.

"I explained to the girl that he seemed repressed and needs something to get him back into life. He's like some sort of troll living in a cave down there in the lower levels. He needs to get back on the bus" she gushed and Owen groaned.

"The bus?" Owen asked. Tosh looked at the book and read the title as Owen repeated 'the bus' several times while looking around the room for some sort of explanation.

"Gwen, why does he need a book on dating advice when he has Jack?" Tosh asked.

"Don't be silly, this is for a real relationship not a fuck buddy. Some little Goth girl with a sour expression and dark makeup that can skulk around with him or something" she laughed, "Someone that doesn't pity guck..."

"I think she meant to say fuck on that last word" Owen said as he watched Tosh shove Gwen backwards and her arms wind milled as she teetered on her heels then overbalanced in the opposite direction to slam her hands down on the table.

"Gwen..." Jack was struggling to understand what the hell was happening as he looked around the room and then he remembered Ianto telling him that they were matching mirrors. Shit. Ianto felt the same way. He was confused, angry and wanting to flee the situation.

"Gwen, I am not a smartarse, I do not want to do everything myself and I definitely do not want to be in the limelight!" Ianto was starting to bristle, "I do NOT think I am underappreciated in my relationship here! Just because I walk a different path to you it doesn't mean I am lost!"

"Ianto, can I have a coffee please?" he asked and Ianto's relief at escaping the room was raw as he fled.

"Gwen I tried to encourage Ianto to talk with you, form a friendship and I now see why he resisted it" Jack sat and rubbed his face, "You don't get him do you."

"He just.... He's all over the place. He looks down his nose at everyone and thinks he is better. He barely speaks and when he does it's to say something clever or sarcastic" she reasoned "Jack he just isn't a team player."

Jack looked at Owen who was tapping his finger against his chin as he examined Gwen's face, leaning closer as he said softly, "Yes. I see. So, you look in the mirror and see someone who is clever, better than people think and maybe wants to stride ahead. You think you are better than the tasks you are given. Smart, wants the limelight and you and Rhys are not going so well. You feel like we are stragglers on your path of life"

Gwen looked at him, "How did you know?"

"Ianto just called you out" Owen sniggered, "The mirror never lies."

Jack had to agree.

Ianto didn't lie.


	21. the talk

Jack found Ianto in his beloved stacks, staring glassily at a box.

"What's that?" he asked an Ianto turned towards him with a blush that showed he was caught. "Ianto?"

"Lisa" he finally replied, "its Lisa's things. I can't get rid of them no matter how I try. I think I will throw them out then find I simply re-categorised them. I keep clinging to her."

"She made you happy" Jack sighed.

"No. Not...not happy. Comfortable" Ianto said without looking at him, "I don't think there is anything real about that word."

"Comfortable?"

"happy."

Jack blinked.

"I mean...Happy is a construct right?" Ianto finally swung to face him fully and Jack tried not to mimic him as he listened, "Are we ever truly happy? Or is it something we strive for like...like...to be loved. Are we really loved? Is that real it a perception of what we want to believe? We love and expect it back? Love is a reflection?"

"Oh Ianto" Jack sadly breathed, wanting to gather him into his arms and show him what love was. He knew however that this was something Ianto had to discover for himself, it was his journey.

Jack watched Ianto shift boxes for a while then he asked the question he must "Gwen. It's not working is it?"

Ianto's arms dropped and he continued to stare at the box in front of him, "What is a Gebirolt?"

"A small tree dwelling Lizard of the third Nebular region" Jack answered, "Blue."

"She is not working."

"No" Jack felt a relief as it was said out loud, aired. He saw Ianto relax as well when he found Jack not reacting to the admission like it was wrong.

"I didn't understand about mirrors when I hired her. You have taught me so much in such a short time. I see now, I see that I was looking for bit of myself in her like she was the mirror, not me. Her drive, strength and tenacity. I saw me. I thought it was me anyway, now I realise I was projecting, nor mirroring at all. I saw what I wanted to see. Suzie had been so strong in the team, I was looking for reassurance that the backbone was still there, I didn't know." Jack admitted.

"Didn't know what?" Ianto swung again, "That the backbone was not in her at all?"

"It was me" Jack agreed, "I understand now. I project. I wanted Suzie to be strong and confident so she was. She also bowed to it, bent and became malformed from the weight of what I pushed into her. I am doing the same with Gwen aren't I? I want her to be strong, assertive and a leader. She is doing it but not like me. She is stronger than Suzie and her own strength is clashing with mine. I am the backbone, Suzie was never the back bone, she was the hammer I wielded."

"Now you are Thor?" Ianto sounded slightly amused then he considered, "Well, it is not far from the truth. Only you can wield your hammer, only you have the power to lift it. Suzie was a hammer. Gwen is not, she is more like a bat. Hitting your target with her is messy, less controlled and more splatter on the rest of the team. Yes, I like that analogy. She is a baseball bat."

Jack smiled, "So you would be home base?"

"Stop it, you make a quip about sliding in to score a home run and I may slap you" Ianto scolded, then Jack felt the weight lift as Ianto laughed softly, his own shoulders relaxing as he leaned back to speak to Jack, "Gwen is one of those alloy bats, shiny and flash and they make a great noise cutting through the air but they are hollow. Empty inside and when you hit the bat it jars all the way up your arms."

"She was a good cop, she is a good cop" Jack sighed as he rose from the crate he had chosen for a seat, "She does not make a good agent. What you said about her, to her was kind. You tried to give her opportunity but I don't think she will ever hear you song and ya know something ...I'm glad of that."

Ianto was confused now as he frowned at Jack and Jack wanted to kiss each little crease.

"I am glad that she can't hear our song because you sing it for me" Jack stepped forward and gathered Ianto into his arms, "This is our song and I am going to sing it from the rooftops. I am going to hum it in my head and I will croon it in the shower. Our song is sweet, powerful and alive. I don't want to share it. There is power in these words, Magic in the song. I feel it, I feel you and I see you Jones Ianto Jones."

Ianto's eyes flickered up from Jack's Adam's apple to connect and they stood stock still as the world started to revolve around them, the little space beneath the their feet rock solid even as everything spun out of control in the corner of their vision.

"Magic" Jack whispered, "In my kiss?"

And my that kiss was sweet.


	22. Rhys

Rhys had been surprised to find Gwen's work colleagues at the door but had sat patiently as the quiet one made the most amazing coffee and then they explained that something terrible had happened. Gwen had seen a small child run down by a truck.

"It was horrifying for even a seasoned agent but Gwen is so...so...full of heart" Ianto said and Rhys nodded as Ianto sighed, "I don't think she can shake it. She says she is OK but she has lost her spark. The thrill has gone. She is too delicate and such a wonderful motherly person that that image of the little one's body is just too graphic."

"What can we do?" Rhys asked with wide eyes.

"Hope that....sorry, I have to take this" Jack rose with the phone in his hand and made a show of walking out to the balcony of the apartment, looking harried and then upset. Ianto watched and turned to Rhys with wide eyes to show he was alarmed by this. Toshiko had timed it perfectly.

"It's Gwen" Jack said, sitting and taking Rhys firmly by the shoulders, "She slipped chasing a perp. Now, she will be OK but she took a nasty knock to the head. Our medic has taken her to A&E."

"We have to go" Rhys went to rise and Jack stopped him.

"Rhys, there's more" Jack sighed dramatically and he sat back down as Ianto leaned forward as well.

"She had retrograde amnesia" Jack said slowly, "Her mind had jumped back about six months. She can't remember her transfer into our division or anything. She didn't even know who Owen was and despite his upset he has soldiered on. Scans are clear so he is bringing her home in the hope that when she gets here she might feel more settled. Ianto and I will go, I think the less overstimulation the better."

"Well, I mean...she loved working with you but she was so sad sometimes. I think it was a bit much, she is too soft" he agreed, "How long will she need?"

"I can't say" Ianto answered for Jack, "Your parents live in Surrey right? Maybe a wee holiday, time to convalesce. When she is ready she can come back. We can keep her spot for a few weeks right Sir?"

"Ianto it is possible she might not regain her memories of the past few months. It might mean retraining from the beginning" Jack warned and Ianto made a noise as he lamented Christmas coming as well. Time crunching would have to occur.

"Does she have to come back?" Rhys seemed to know his line without too much prompting and both men turned to face him with matching looks of surprise, "I mean...if she doesn't remember. She wasn't suited, you said so yourself. What if she doesn't remember? If she does later we could say she missed her spot? You couldn't keep it open for her?"

"Rhys, anything might trigger her. If she sees us, a familiar spot we worked inâ€¦.here the poor wee one squished in the pavers" Jack said and Ianto resisted the urge to smack him for pouring it on a bit too thick but Rhys was fixed.

"I think....I think it might be best if she didn't go back" he repeated.

"Then do it now, today. Start" Ianto leaned forward, "In this envelope is enough money for you to relocate and start fresh. Over fifteen grand in here. You are a good worker, can get a job anywhere, we can ensure Gwen's transfer to that Police division is seamless. Choose. Maybe Surrey, by the parents? Hers will be closer too. A wedding to prepare for and all....might be nice a while new start. They will want to help, her parents can care for her while you move, your parents can feel more a part of things as it's not Gwen's intention to leave them out, she said to me just the other day how much she likes your Mam and feels bad she doesn't spend more time with her."

Rhys stared at Ianto and he had a moment of worry that he might be too proud to accept it but then Rhys gently lifted the envelope and peered inside, "Why did you have this ready?"

"We are meeting someone later with a lead in a case, a nark and we pay him handsomely if it comes to fruition" Ianto's response was seamless and Jack wondered if he had practiced several scenarios, clever clogs knew this question would come didn't he, "The last tip got a lot of meth off the street, this was only a small percentage of the street value. I can withdraw more from our 'music' account. Get it? Music? Stool pigeon? Jack's idea of course."

Ianto rolled his eyes as Rhys laughed and slipped the envelope under the sofa cushion, sitting back and relaxing as he accepted the plausible excuse and Ianto smiled happily as he glanced over at Jack.

It was done.


	23. brace

They were soon on their way, wanting to avoid seeing Gwen and triggering the Retcon, wouldn't do, right?

Jack drove sedately back towards the hub, then glanced at Ianto, "I'm glad we didn't have to Retcon him too."

"Shame isn't it, I liked him" Ianto agreed, "But he is clever. I think he would have broken Retcon, even as she never will. Not the dosage Owen had given her. If they stay I think she will but a new life, this time tomorrow she is in her parent's kitchen as they gush over the engagement ring. The way he considered our points, I think he is already packing."

"A good idea to throw her parents living close to his" Jack said, "How did you know that?"

"Guessed, the photos of them on the walls are of them as teenagers. I guessed they live close to court so young" Ianto said as he traced a raindrop down the window with his finger, "He will dump her there, move their stuff and then break it to her what he has done. In her addled state she will accept it, his family no doubt about to get the phone call to find accommodation for them."

"Ianto?"

Ianto glanced over at Jack with an open face and Jack smiled softly, "Sir?"

"I would never forget you" Jack said softly, "Never. I love coffee too much and I love you more so the smell would bring me back to you every time. With or without a reset."

Ianto's blush was sweet and exotic as he snorted and turned back to raindrop racing.

"Silly Twypsn"

The affection in the words dripping more than the rain outside.

Jack felt the tension between them ease.

"Yan? The money?" Jack said softly, choosing his words carefully, "Nice idea."

"Well ... he's a good man and we know the Retcon sticks better without triggers about the place. I just...I wantoed to give him a hand. Was that OK? I took it from petty cash."

"First of all, it was a lovely idea and I wholeheartedly agree" Jack nodded "Secondly, why is petty cash so large?"

"In case I need to buy a body or two from the bone man, a vehicle to crash for a scene or a bribe" Ianto said, "Don't' worry, I Reton after the bribe and take it back."

Jack snorted as he felt giggling bubble up at the thought of Ianto so calmly giving someone who was greedy money for information, then a lovely drink for the 'special' flask.

Cheeky.

So sweetly cheely.

_Stop it_

"SO" Jack said loudly, acknowledging the chastisement, "What now?"

"We could take another look at young Andy?" Ianto asked as he looked ahead and then said calmly, "Stock truck."

"Huh?" Jack looked to the road, peeling his eyes off Ianto in time to see the truck bearing down on their side of the road, "Fuck."

Jack pumped the brakes as he spun the wheel, the vehicle aquaplaning much as the truck was doing and Ianto was already sliding from the seat to the floor. Jack looked at him was horror as he realised Ianto was preparing for impact, then the solid whack of solid hitting sold and a feeling of weightlessness as the SUV was tossed into the air.

"IANTO" Jack screamed with fear as he prayed the reinforced engine block would take the impact as it should and then they were tumbling arse over kite.

Mama used to say that.

You will go arse over kite young man.

Mama.

Jack wondered why he was thinking of her, his frown deepening as he found himself hanging upside down.

Huh?

Jack looked over to the passenger side and he found himself staring at a bundle stuck up under the console and he sighed as he saw that Ianto had left his coat in the car again.

IANTO

Jack grunted as he struggled with the release for the seatbelt, giving up and simply removing the knife from his belt and cutting through the belt to land in his head and shoulders, grunt and fight through it to reach for the bundle.

"Ianto?"

Jack snagged an arm, that damaged wrist mocking him as he was once again reminded that Gwen was responsible, Gwen was the reason for the off key ringing in his head. The music was out of tune.

"Ianto" Jack said as he pulled him closer and his stomach flip flopped as he pulled Ianto into his arms and pressed their mouths together, desperately hoping he wasn't too late.

To hell with words, music and talk of magic.

Jack gave the only thing that was a true constant in his life, the only thing he knew was a certainty.

Jack closed his eyes, thought of Rose bathed in gold and he pushed with all his might.

He was worthy. He was worthy of this, if she ever owed him a damned thing....Ianto was worthy of more than he ever could be.

Jack believed in Wolves even ones disguised as Dragons in three piece suits.

.

.

.

Sorry no post yesterday but Real Life got in the way ...sometimes I wish I could just hide from the world with my laptop and escape to these little worlds where my problems could be deal with by two handsome friends. SIGH xxxx


	24. Rwaring back

Jack didn't know how long he held him, wept and begged, how many times his hand shakily brushed that alabaster cheek that was slowly turning a bluish grey. The mottled skin writing a story he didn't want to read.

Please.

His story can't be over, this can't be the last chapter in this.

Please.

A spark.

Please.

Jack knew he was weeping but didn't care for small things like tears...¦ they don't matter anymore. Just more sand in his eye.

"Ianto" Jack choked, another kiss, this one not the life rendering begging push but a tender one full of remorse, love and gratefulness that he had been allowed to read his story.

The place erupted in light, sound and heat making Jack cry out as he writhed thinking the SUV had exploded, such was the brightness of the moment, then his ears were first to hear the sound he craved as he still seemed blind from the light.

A breath next to it, so soft that the shell of his ear barely held it for a moment.

Jack pulled back to look at the limp body, those cheeks starting to pink up as Ianto took another shuddering breath, this one the gasp of a drowning man and Jack surged forward, crying out as he slammed their mouths tighter again.

_Let me breathe for you._ _It's OK, don't even think about it, let me be your heartbeat. Let me breathe your air, come to me and let me hold you._

Ianto flopped back in Jack's arms and gave an inhuman roar of rage, pain, fear, joy, confusion, life. Jacks voice was calling him home. Home. To the fire.

Jack held him through the throes of his becoming, tried to remain calm as that golden glow surrounded them, soothing now and almost motherly as he felt a lovingly feminine hand brush his cheek, wiping away that pesky grain of sand escaping from the corner of his eye.

"Ianto"

Ianto's eyelids fluttered then sprang open to stare at him.

"Hey, I thought...I mean...random." Ianto croaked as he struggled and then gave in to Jack's embrace, "the light got so dim, like just the embers left."

"It's OK, sometimes you have to let the fire get low so you can bank it gain" Jack soothed.

"Then it flared like gasoline, like...like...I was the fire" Ianto frowned and focused on him "Does that make sense?"

"Yes" Jack said firmly, "I understand you. We are the same remember? I hear you love."

Ianto blinked and stared at him then a soft smile, "Jack?"

"Yes Tiger?"

"Why are we upside down? How are we upside down? Did we lose gravity?"

Jack looked around and started to laugh, shakily at first then growing in strength as he let go of his fear, "Darling, I flipped the SUV. We are not upside down, the vehicle is."

"Oh" Ianto blinked, "OK."

Jack laughed some more, then looked out the side window to see boots moving toward them at speed, "And here's the cavalry. You OK to move?"

"I had a dream" Ianto whispered, his eyes suddenly wide, "I saw my mama, but it wasn't my mama but it was. I don't make sense, my brain bits are not talking right. It's all discombobulated in my cranium."

"It's OK" Jack said for the gods knows what time, "Come on, hands and knees Tiger. Come on, where is my growl."

"Rwar?"

"There we go" Jack cajoled Ianto onto this knees and covered him as the glass shattered then he helped him crawl out into reaching hands, the feeling of horror he felt was Ianto's' echoing and he knew Ianto was abhorring every moment of being examined.

Jack crawled out and quickly pulled Ianto into his arms, making a show of being upset and needing comfort. The relief from Ianto thrummed as he clung to him and let him pick their way up to the road where another SUV was hurtling towards them with a manic behind the wheel.

It skidded to a halt and Owen flew from the driver's door, Andy Davison turning from the cordon to run and leap into the vehicle and apply the handbrake before it ran over said mad medic.

"See?" Ianto slurred, "Andy is a good shtick."

"Shtick?"

"Stick, my tongue is fat" Ianto said as he sighed, "Don't wanna talk no more."

Jack knew he was OK, knew this was not a physical problem. Ianto was overloaded with all the people pushing at them so he turned to Owen as he strode forth flashing his badge and roaring abuse, "Owen, Ianto needs a scan back at the base stat!"

Owen went to give Jack a mouthful and looked at the pale man trying to burrow into the Great Coat then nodded.

"You! Davison, you drive." Owen yelled as they headed to the SUV and Andy gaped as he looked at the controls, then shrugged and chose a button. The engine purred and he grinned as he opened her up and enjoyed the sensation of flight.

"Not a car" Ianto said as he settled happily in Jack's arms.

"No, I panicked and grabbed this because we had just finished working on the new power cells and the keys were in it" Owen leaned through the seat to talk to Andy, "This is an amphibious machine, can turn into a boat too. Cool huh? Great for the mudflats or the moors. Muggins here and I created her."

"Muggins?"

"Yeah, Tiger McMuggins" Owen crowed happily as he settled back and assessed the young man behind the wheel.

"Rwar" Ianto supplied .


	25. Myf and tomfoolery

"so...you crashed it good and proper and came out without a scratch" Owen said, "But how do you explain Ianto?"

"He's Welsh" Jack said cryptically as he moved away and Owen glared after him.

"He's Welsh" Owen said with equal American swagger and Ianto snorted softly from the sofa where he had watched the exchange.

"Owen, I do have a sore toe" Ianto said with a pout, "Maybe I kicked something?"

Owen rushed over and attacked the foot as Ianto canted his head and after a while he said softly, "Other foot Owen."

Owen huffed and attacked the other one, pulling off the shoe, then sock. He looked intently at the foot and then touched a toe, wriggling it "This one?"

"No, the one with roast beef"

Owen sighed and recited the poem as he pointed to each toe. "This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home. This little piggy...ah."

Ianto held back a giggle at how childish Owen had just looked reciting the poem as he had hoped he would, glancing up as Andy sat swinging on a chair. He considered and then whistled, wondering if this test would make or break the young man.

Myfanwy answered, Andy's chair legs crashing down as he looked up in time to see her float overhead, his eyes widening as he shot to his feet and whooped with glee, "Awesome! It that real?"

"She is Myfanwy" Ianto said as he reached for a drawer and removed a chocolate bar, flicking it up for her to snatch and bank away to ascend to the rafters again.

"Now that is so cool" Andy was moving to see her again, grinning as she let the wrapper fall like confetti around him. He laughed as he held out a hand to catch some, "She's skinning it, look."

"She doesn't like the foil coming out the other end" Ianto laughed with him, both faces turning up and Jack walked out to watch Ianto's face as it shone.

"Andy, want a job?"

Both men turned to look up at him, their faces shining with delight as he looked down, they looked like little boys watching a kite or something and Jack grinned back at them, "Well...?

"Really? What about Cooper"

" _Cooper_ didn't work out" Ianto said blandly as he started to move away, indicating an end to that conversation as Jack grimaced down at Andy from the catwalk.

"What do you think, beyond the government, above the police...or is it above the government and beyond the police....Tiger?"

"Rwar" came faintly from the kitchen and Jack sniggered softly as Andy's eyes widened for a second then laughter rang out through the Hub and Andy nodded enthusiastically.

"Do I have to sign something in blood? Like...a thumbprint indent? God, tell me I have to be naked while you scan me or something for superhero clothing I wear under my street wear like X-men. We are the T-men. Oooo......I know. We all have matching tattoos on our arses!" Andy gushed and Owen pointed at him as his head popped up.

"See? He thinks it's a good one too" Owen yelled at nobody in particular, "The Torchwood symbol on our butt cheek. If we are blown up heroically saving the world they can identify the charred corpse then as our arse will probably be pristine in our dacks."

Jack blinked as he watched Owen stomp over to regard Andy again, seeing a fellow Muppet in the making, "So. What are your views on using alien tech to get a bird interested for the evening, or maybe one that changed you hair colour for a night."

"cool" Andy nodded and Owen placed an arm around his shoulder.

"Come with me wee Padawan" Owen drawled as he led him off and Ianto exited the kitchen with the tray of mugs to look around.

"Andy?"

"You snoozed love, Owen swooped in and stole him away like the little rat faced thief he is" Jack calls and Ianto huffed.

"Am not a thief" Owen called out happily as he and Andy went through a drawer of tat.

_So. Still rat faced._

Jack laughed and went into his office to wait for the sarcastic Welshman who was definitely in need of a bum smack for that one.

Even if he is the only one to hear it.

Naughty Tiger.

_Rwar._


	26. Tosh doesn't need heels to stand out

"Toshiko?" Jack said softly in an attempt not to startle her and he watched her turn to face him in her chair as he wandered over.

"Yes Jack?" her glasses were perched on her nose in that cute way.

"With Gwen gone and Andy coming in you will be the only female on staff, are you OK with that? I am always worried about the ratio" Jack said as he leaned against her desk and looked down with that brotherly stare that always made her feel important, if only in their little moments.

"Jack, when Gwen came onto the team I felt out of place, Suzie was different. She was like one of the guys, ya know? Gwen was so...so...well. She was a stiletto in a room full of flats, she stood out like lipstick on a pig" Tosh shrugged, "I see now that she was not suited to us. She wanted to be seen, we work in the shadows. She couldn't survive without the sun."

"Nicely put" Jack smiled, "You know...lots of good things grow in shadows, not just weeds and Ivy. The winter rose is one of my favourites."

"Tough times never last. We've seen them come and go but as a team we will last. We will weather the storms, I know that" she said as she patted his knee affectionately, "I have no fear for my safety as I know you will always protect me, even at your own expense. Ianto proved that. What brothers do, right?"

"You know Ianto said something similar the other day" Jack smiled, "We are more like a family than a team. This is not a workplace, it's a weird dysfunctional family home."

"And our watchdog rocks" she laughed.

"What's that?" Ianto asked as he placed a cup of green tea down by her keyboard and she repeated that Myf rocked.

"Ah, yes my sweetie" he sighed happily, "She took a giant crap on Owen's spare gurney he keeps by the back door earlier. He's not seen it yet, she keeps covertly checking to see if it' still there. So cute when they learn to play together like that. Kids should get along don't you think?"

Tosh giggled and then pointed, "Your wrist is better?"

"Much" Ianto nodded as Owen came to get his coffee, unable to wait, "Seems this acidic little twat has some worth after all. We may keep him Toshiko my love."

Owen's hand froze half way to the mug and he looked at Ianto, "You know, since that SUV roll you've been quite the comedian."

"Ah yes, you can't contain me" Ianto agreed, "Seems something shook loose and now it flows."

"Like fine wine" Jack agreed.

"Like pissing against the pub wall at midnight more like" Owen muttered as he stated to walk away blowing on his coffee, then he took a sip and groaned happily.

"Not all of us are Neanderthals little rat man" Ianto called after him and Owen hesitated like he was about to respond, then started walking again as Ianto resumed his own cleaning up.

"So, what are you going to do now?" Tosh asked as she spun back to check her programme that was processing in the background.

"Well, I have finished another file for Ianto so I was hoping to watch him put it up on a really high shelf or if I am really lucky a bottom shelf" Jack replied with his hand back in his pockets, "You know he never bends his knees right? can kiss his own knees that man. Amazing."

"That algorithm is skipping" Ianto said as he wandered past, "You need to remove the third movement and place a pause at the tenth before the reversal."

Tosh blinked and looked at the screen, then grunted as she agreed and clicked to pause the program.

Andy roared past going at great knots and Ianto paused, turning to watch Myfanwy swooping low enough to touch his head as he laughed and slapped at her. Ianto shook his head and began to walk again as Jack moved to follow, a soft whistle as he tucked the file under his arm.

Ianto came to a stop down in his stacks and turned to face Jack. Jack was ready for a long discussion on Andy, maybe Tosh or even the unanswered question of what happened in the SUV that he was dreading so when Ianto slammed him against a shelf and kissed him with a hunger that took his breath away he was momentarily shocked.

I say momentarily because he soon got over it, holding Ianto tenderly as he deepened the kiss and their bodies melded together, hands exploring as tongues duelled.

"Ianto...I...."

"Need to shut up and kiss me again" Ianto demanded and Jack laughed softly as he felt hands sliding around his arse to squeeze.

"Yes Tiger."

"Rwar."


	27. like leaving kids unsupervised

"I didn't come this far, to only come this far" Ianto said softly as he looked out over the city, the night air making his hair fluff up and Jack resisted the urge to reach out to stroke it like one would a cat. Gods he was beautiful. "I feel like there is something more to do. I'm not there yet."

"Don't forget it's you and me versus the problem, not you versus me" Jack whispered after a while, letting Ianto have the silence he sought as he settled back to watch his silhouette against the lights of the city below.

"It's so peaceful, the air is clear" Ianto whispered softly, "Why does it all have to be so chaotic down there? People don't stop, don't slow down, there is so much bluster and noise down there. So nice up here."

"Yes, it is" Jack said gently, his gaze drinking in the handsome man who was totally unaware of how exotic he looked with his head tilted up slightly.

Jack started to sing, an old song of his people that his father had sung to his mother over the dying embers late at night as Jack and Gray snuggled in under the covers. A song of longing and lust, a song of thankfulness and fulfilment.

Ianto turned slightly to listen, canting his head and Jack wondered how much he could glean, the old words tripping off his tongue so easily. Did Ianto know what he was saying or was he feeling the emotions flowing with the verse? Did he 'see' the song?

Did it matter?

Ianto closed his eyes and let his walls fall, let Jack consume him like wildfire, his body aching with all of the need, want and then fulfilment leaving him breathless as he almost jazzed himself and he laughed softly into the wind as the song ended.

"You found it funny?" Jack was slightly hurt.

"No, I find the fact I almost came in my pants funny" Ianto replied simply, turning to face Jack and as he did so the profile showed Jack the tenting he was so fond of, making him rise to his feet and surge forward to pull Ianto into his arms.

They danced to the music of the song as it continued to flow in the wind, in their blood and in their bond. As they danced the lights below flickered and died with the darkness folding around them like a blanket.

Down in the Hub things were not as calm or happy as Andy made short squeaks as he flapped his hands about his head and Owen roared for Tosh who had gone to the loo. The emergency lights flickered as Mainframe pulled auxiliary power on and Tosh came running, one heel broken from a stumble in the dark.

"Shit, shit, shit" she said as she rushed to her terminal and Andy froze, turning to Owen.

"Did you hear that? Bad man, this is real bad!" Andy whimpered, "Toshi is cursing."

"Shit I think you just deleted half the universe" Owen said with awe as he looked at the screen and tried to make sense of the binary that flowed like water across the screen, Tosh panicking ever so slightly as she realized a step too late that she had missed something in the code.

"Well don't sit there gaping at me, run the back-up before someone see's it is gone!" Tosh roared and Ianto entered the Hub with a look of annoyance, storming over to slap at her console for a few seconds, halting the klaxons.

"Oh thank god" Andy slumped.

"He just turned off the noise ya twat she still fucked up" Owen hissed.

"Tosh, reboot for Godsake, you did backup right? Simply ask for a system restore and pray to the gods that mainframe can pull it all together" Ianto demanded.

"Can't you ask?" Tosh asked in a small voice, "You know she likes you more."

"Only because I never ask" Ianto growled with a droll tone.

"Shit"

"So…all of Cardiff is out?" Andy asked.

"No, Britain and probably Scotland has joined us. Gods, do you realise not all hospital generators can cope with this? Staff are probably hand bagging patients while you try to … there it is" Ianto suddenly froze the screen and sighed, "Tosh, what is this?"

"I have no idea. It looks like… OK. Who used my keyboard to make a dog from the symbols?" she demanded and Owen looked at Andy with wide eyes.

"Franny? Please?" Ianto called out and there was a click, a whir and then everything went out only to roar back like a jet engine cycling up. Then it glitched, flickered and held.

"Thank you" Ianto called happily, "A pot of tea for you my sweet."

"Tea?"

"She likes tea" Ianto replied as he wandered off and Andy turned to Owen as they both repeated it with confusion.

"Tea?"


	28. chicken

Jack was still reading them the riot act when the phone rang and Ianto picked it up then paled considerably as he looked over at Jack, silencing the rant mid sentence.

"Yan?"

"Ah….her majesty would like a word Sir" Ianto went to offer the phone and froze as sound issued from it, his mouth turning down more as he placed her on speakers.

"Am I on speakerphone Mister Jones?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Good, I want you all to listen to me, and listen good. I am beyond bloody pissed right now and am of a mind to have you all beheaded. Yes. A nice old fashioned beheading. Hasn't been one in so long might make a day of it. How the hell do you black out the entire bloody continent?"

Ianto's eyes were like saucers at the horror of hearing his monarch so enraged that she was even speaking of herself as the first person …no royal 'We' when murderous it seems.

"Oh come one Berty!" Jack yelled with mirth, "It was just for a while and didn't it change the conversation? I doubt anyone is wondering whose toes Fergs is sucking today!"

Ianto's eyes bugged as he gaped at Jack who slid his hands into his pockets and grinned back, Owen's bark of laughter unable to be contained as Tosh's head hit the desk.

"Cariad, don't be so bloody crass!" Ianto exploded, "You know that mad woman cannot be controlled. She's a redhead. They are all bloody mad!"

Silence, then Owen couldn't help himself, "So….young Prince Harry is mad is he?"

"As a hatter" the speakers crackled with mirth now, "Yes. Did you know he said the same thing to me a few days back. He said all redheads need extra points for their madness and I needed to cut him some slack."

"I am sorry love" Jack said gently, "It was a stuff-up of epic proportions due to the lull in activity with the rift. I was just thinking that we should take some time off, a wee holiday while we have the time. Just blow up some local stuff instead of a global meltdown, yeah?"

Another soft chuff of laughter then, "Yes, we agree that might be the idea Captain."

Ianto slumped with relief as the third person came back, her anger now in check and Jack winked at Ianto, as he spoke "Actually, I was wondering if we could use one of your houses for a wee weekend getaway. I would suggest a camping trip but you know how the last one went. Shocker. A nice countryside escape, some roaming and maybe a spot of lounging?"

"If it saves the world we agree" she chortled, "Balmoral?"

"Do you mind? Ianto has never seen a stag in the flesh. Some deer stalking would be good training for the team while we have a little fun" Jack smiled as he started to get excited with his own idea, even as Owen gaped and mouthed 'deer stalking' like it was the plague.

They exchanged pleasantries and then closed out the call, Jack rubbing his hands as he looked at Ianto "I assume you already have a list going."

"You really want to hunt now don't you" Ianto said sullenly.

"Be good for us, a bonding exercise for Andy, come on love. Picnic? No guns as we are not allowed to shoot her deer anyway? Come on …. I can't' wait to see you in a real Sherlock Holmes hat, come on. For me?" Jack wheedled and he saw the twitch at the confer of Ianto's mouth even as he felt the amusement between them, "I promise to carry you over any brooks like the dashing hero I am."

"Brooks? Wait, water? You talking about water?" Owen demanded, his hand slapping down on the table, "Are you bloody mad? If we are having a week away I want to do fuck all!"

"A week?" Ianto squealed.

"Sounds fair." Jack nodded, "OK, we all go there, we all do our own things and meet up for evening meals. The resident chef is to die for. Andy can take a day with each of us to bond and ww can then sign off the expenses to Berty."

"Cariad, please stop calling her that, it makes me shudder" Ianto scolded softly and Jack grinned

"Lizzie better?"

Ianto looked at him with a silent scold that felt more like a red hot lustful wash of naughtiness that had Jack's mouth going dry as he felt the promise of a good spanking for that.

Winner, winner chicken dinner.

Jack crowed as he took off towards his quarters.

"Excuse me, I will go make sure he doesn't pack bloody swimming trunks or something" Ianto growled as he followed and Tosh turned to look at Owen as she sniggered, both of them knowing there would be no trunks at all in a few minutes.

Andy's yells of welcome as he entered from the quay echoed in Myfanwy's scream.

Her red fluffy toy had arrived for the night shift.

Everyone was happy.


	29. beat

A week away with the team, Ianto felt almost excited if not for the immense fear. Janet seemed happy enough and the remote control feeder meant she would be OK without them probably wouldn't even notice them gone.

Myfanwy would do as she pleased, the aviary doors left open for her and Ianto had no more excuse not to go. Jack was not annoyed with the heel dragging, having expected it. Ianto was so far from his comfort zone he was on another planet as he worried about unfamiliar terrain, a layout he already had blueprints to but could not feel confident in until he had stalked all through the place like a cat.

Ianto's Monachopsis was catching and Jack knew by the time they got there everyone would be edgy. Jack could only hope Ianto would feel confidence once they had settled in for the evening.

"Ianto?" Tosh said softly and he turned to look over at her with a gentle smile. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah, will be. Just don't like the countryside" he sighed and she nodded her agreement.

"Ianto? You can talk to me, I was there too. No need to feel….feel…"

"Exulansis" he muttered and she snorted.

"You really are a factorum aren't you!" she sighed, "You deflect with intelligence whenever cornered."

"And you don't?"

"Ianto?" Owen asked with a bored tone, "Are you trying to cast a silencing spell on Tosh with those weird words coz you need a wand for that."

Ianto stared at Owen and twisted right around in his seat to answer "Owen you are reading the Harry Potter books again, aren't you. I keep telling you that Myfanwy is not an overgrown phoenix and if I catch you trying to lure her into the furnace I will kill you."

"One time" Owen muttered as he slumped theatrically, "Make a joke about his bird one time and he never forgets."

"That's the thing with Ianto, he can't forget. That's the real curse" Tosh said as she settled back for the ride and glanced back at the man in the back who was asleep against the window, Andy's hand clutching a blanket like it was a comfort rug and she wondered where he had got it from, the tartan not something Ianto would have allowed into the SUV inventory.

"Ianto? Did you give him a blanket?" Owen had noticed too, "I want a blanket."

"I did not" Ianto sighed. "It is his own, his pillow too."

"I want a blanet too" Owen repeated, his scowl filling his face like a sulky three year old and Ianto remembered the tantruming of their previous country trip so he turned to Jack.

"Sorry sir, can you pull over for a sec?" Ianto asked and Jack pulled to the verge, then watched Ianto get out and walk to the back, move things around and return with an armful of blankets, flinging them back at Owen except for one, "There, have at it."

Owen handed Tosh one like he had got them himself and she rolled her eyes as she accepted and Ianto drew the remaining blanket up over his head, becoming a parody of Cousin It in the passenger seat with the brown hound's-tooth pattern.

Jack glanced his way occasionally and quietly worried as he knew Ianto was getting stressed so he started to sing softly hoping it would comfort Ianto and soon Ianto had pulled the blanket down enough to let his face be seen.

Finally the SUV was silent as Jack drove the last half hour to the estate and he hoped things might loosen up when they get there, Ianto might relax when he sees the place. Lord knows this silence was unnerving after the soft and tentative touches to find the bond silent was almost like a loss. Ianto was so nervous that he had retreated into himself and all Jack could hear was the sound of his own heartbeat.

_Rubatosis Sir?_

Jack snorted as he wondered if Owen might think that was something to do with a nose and Ianto's silent snort was comforting.

Finally Ianto started to communicate but not with words, music. Jack was touched that he got to hear a woman singing softly in the back of his mind while what seemed to be a lace curtain moved in the breeze making the half light of a room flicker.

_**Mama.** _

Ianto was sharing a memory of his mama comforting him when he was little in his bed and unable to settle. It was lovely, raw and so unbelievably ….. personal that Jack felt a lump in his throat as he felt the love in the melody.

"Thank you Ianto" Jack whispered amazed that in the midst of a mini meltdown Ianto had wanted to comfort him even as he sought it himself and Ianto nodded as he sat up and looked out at the imposing building.

"Well then, let's get this over with" Ianto sighed and Jack grimaced as he heard the fear in Ianto's voice.

Then Owen woke and screamed with horror at the horse peering in the SUV window and Ianto snorted before he could stop himself.

The band around Jack's heart eased.

This might work.

.

.

.

.

Monachopsis – the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.

Exulansis – the tendency to give up talking about an experience because people do not understand and are unable to relate to it.

Rubatosis – the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat


	30. manic pondering

"It looked like a zombie horse!" Owen defended as Ianto dropped some bags and then sniggered at the little man's squeak, Owen swinging to snarl at him, "It could have eaten my fucking brains!"

"Owen, it's a horse" Ianto said calmly, They are herbivores. A zombie Horse would not eat you. You know what it would eat?"

Owen couldn't help himself, he frowned as he looked at Jack then stepped closer to Ianto, "what?"

"Graaaaaiiiinnnnnssss" Ianto hissed and Owen blinked, then roared with delight at the silly joke, amazingly Ianto knew one he hadn't and he slapped at his knee as he doubled over and repeated it.

"Gr…gr…grai…grains…..oh hit, gotta pee" Owen took off looking for the loo and Ianto shrugged.

"Well done" Jack said and Ianto turned to smile.

"Archie told me that one" Ianto said sagely, "Funny little man, thought another funny little man might like it."

"Hey, Mister Thesaurus, that was terrible" Owen said as he returned to get his bag and Ianto had a weird look as he looked at Jack and Jack wondered if Ianto had gone a bit loopy with the clean air.

"Yes Owen. Terrible. Also, Horrible would fit. Dreadful or awful also." Ianto said and Owen stalled, then shrieked again, yet another home run.

"You funny bugger" Andy giggled as he got that one too, Jack smiling as Ianto started to play.

"Come on Ianto, let's go explore. Carpe Deum or whatever. You know, live each day like it's your last. Let's go slide down those stairs" Owen said excitedly and Ianto raised an eyebrow.

"So, live each day like it's your last. How does that work Owen? Lay naked in a bed with a nappy on whilst screaming for the nurse to bring chocolate pudding?" Ianto said as he started to follow him, "Do they even have chocolate pudding here?"

Andy dropped his bags to sit on a chair and laugh more easily as Owen put on a parody of an old man, demanding pudding goddamn it. Even Tosh had to giggle as Owen enjoyed Ianto's humour.

"You know I heard a good joke the other day while I saw sitting in traffic" Andy said as he picked up his bags again and Ianto swung to look at him as Owen held his breath hopefully. Ianto did not disappoint.

"Probably why you got run over."

Even Jack had to take a moment.

"You know Ianto, that's just how I roll" Andy said with a sniff and Ianto smiled.

"Yes Andy, that's how you roll. Tuck your knees into your chest and let a large vehicle smash against you" Ianto said as he stopped and turned, his mind cataloguing and telling him he had to turn left, "You just keep playing in the road like a chicken still trying to make up his mind if he wants to cross or not give in to expectation."

"Look, that chicken that first crossed the road was a pioneer!" Owen said as he tuned to follow Ianto "You've woken up bloody funny ya know. That chicken must have had the heart of a lion."

"And that is why they are banned from the zoo" Ianto stopped at the door and Owen blinked as Andy tapped his arm and whispered that he didn't get that one

"Where did he get the lion's heart from ya numpty, keep up." Owen hissed, "He's on a roll, gotta keep him going to get the pay off."

"What pay off?"

"I need to set up the link to Mainframe" Tosh said as she walked over, unaware that Ianto was still feeling childish and he turned to look at her as Owen grabbed Andy's arm to stop him and not break the Welshman's concentration as he seemed to wait for something.

"What frequency is it, I can check" Jack said as he flicked open his VM and Tosh checked her PDA.

"Have you heard of Frequency 396?" she asked.

"They just put out a Christmas Album didn't they?" Ianto asked and Owen snorted, releasing Andy's arm.

"Ianto, you need some coffee mate, you're becoming a bit manic" Owen said softly, "Come on, kitchen and coffee, let's get you focused."

"You make it sound like I'm addicted to the stuff" Ianto muttered, then his eyes slid to one side as Owen led him to where he hoped he could even Ianto's mood out. "Owen?"

"Yes mate?"

"I did used to have an addiction, I hid it on my paperwork, god I should have warned you sooner" Ianto said and Owen turned at the kitchen doors with surprise as he looked at Ianto.

"What? Shit Ianto that isn't funny. What is it?"

"I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I managed to turn myself around"

Owen sighed as he hoped like hell there was coffee, this was getting dangerous. Ianto was creeping into Dad Joke Territory.

So what if he was sniggering too.


	31. soothing strokes

Jack knew what the problem was, Ianto was winding up to a full meltdown as he paced about the massive home muttering about how expensive everything looked. He was also spouting facts about things in the house, originality and composition … not to mention the year of construction or in some cases pointing to a piece of tat and actually informing them who gifted it to her majesty.

Finally Jack realised Ianto was gleaning.

Shit.

Ianto was actively connecting to the objects and 'hearing' their whispers in the cosmos, dangerous. He had to break him of it, refocus him or the sheer amount of information provided in this house that was an antique itself would overload him. Jack now saw the reason why Ianto had been nervous and he kicked himself for once again being blinkered to Ianto's ability to freak himself out.

He told everyone to explore and meet back in the library in a couple of hours, the snort from Ianto as his eyes widened at the prospect of the library proving Jack right and as he pushed Ianto towards their bedroom he started to stutter facts about the refurbishment of said library after some sort of natural disaster that he vaguely remembered.

They were in the bedroom and Ianto was turning in a small circle as he drank it all in, his hands wringing and Jack saw the little boy who hated change.

"Come on, clothes off for a massage on the bed" Jack demanded and Ianto looked at him with open surprise but obeyed to lay with just boxers on making Jack smile. Of course he didn't want to be naked in the queen's house. So sweet.

Jack solved it by pulling the comforter up over him and then removing the boxers as Ianto yelped and squirmed, then went still when Jack started gently tugging at his semi erect dick, also not surprised to find him slightly aroused by the old house and her ghosts.

Jack kissed stroked and cajoled Ianto into relaxing and by the time he slid down onto that gorgeous big dick Ianto had forgotten all about where they were or what the design in the comforter represented. He finally let himself go and Jack let his head fall back as he enjoyed the ride too.

Afterwards they lay under the comforter with Jack gently stroking Ianto's stomach where he had cum, wiped clean with his t-shirt but still quivering from the mass of sensations.

"I can't believe we just did that" Ianto said after a while, "We just fucked in the queen's house"

"Hmmmm, in her bed no less" Jack whispered, still stroking the belly and Ianto snorted. "No I mean it. This is her bedroom."

Ianto's eyed widened as he stated at Jack, then Jack started to laugh and Ianto groaned, "You bastard. I really believed it then, oh god!"

Jack kissed him and pulled him close, "Ianto I would never do that to you, I know you would never forgive me if I made you feel that horrid. It has made your brain slow down though."

"Yeah, I soooo needed that" Ianto agreed, Thank you Jack, I felt like I was drowning."

"I'm right here, whenever, wherever" Jack said was he felt Ianto wriggle to get more comfortable against him, the hand now stilling to allow Ianto to drift deeper, "I will always come through for you."

"Like the mail" Ianto slurred and Jack grinned as Ianto started to snore softly as he always does when sleeping on his back. Jack rolled them so Ianto was now on his side cuddled against Jack and the young man grunted as his arms reached out to cuddle more, his breath lengthening again as he slept.

Jack considered things and knew this had been gamble, his hope to please Ianto with a change of scenery could have produced a full tantrum of overload but thankfully Ianto had trusted him to refocus him and Jack again saw the similarities between them hidden deep in the recesses of their minds.

A thirst for knowledge, to please, to win. Also the quiet voice wishing everyone would stop asking for something from him all the time like he was Santa Claus reaching into a never empty sack. It was a revelation to see that this handsome man in his arms not only expected nothing from him he gave instead of taking.

After so many years of service it was so nice to be … well. Serviced I guess. Gods, he could certainly serve. Heh heh. Jack could still feel where Ianto had gripped his hips as he tried to control the rhythm and he smiled as he tucked the comforter more, revelling in the strong muscles plastered against him that a short while ago had taken him to such a a dizzying height that he had forgotten to breathe and had almost blacked out in ecstasy.

"Oh Ianto" Jack sighed, "What am I going to do with you?"

_Keep me?_

Jack smiled as he could only agree.


	32. Poo and a P

Ianto was walking past the kitchen when he heard Andy's voice so he paused outside the door to listen "Look mate, I'm getting Deja-Poo here"

"What?" Owen's voice spluttered.

"You know what I mean" Andy answered, "I get the feeling I've heard this shit before?"

"I'm just saying" Owen sighed, "Sometimes I think I got it then she gets all … like …. I need space. I can't help but think I am fucking up."

"Mate, you need to take a knee and think for a sec. Shit, she's been alone for how long? You really think being in her personal space all day every day makes her more comfortable?" Andy asked, "Dude. You have your shit you like to do, she has her own shit to do. Don't confuse your shit or it gets messy."

"I just…sometimes I feel so worthless" Owen sighed.

"You're not worthless mate" Andy's voice was soothing and Ianto felt affection as he reached out to push the door, then Andy spoke again, "I bet your organs alone are worth heaps on the black market."

Ianto paused, then heard the laughter as the two men bonded and he let his hand drop.

"Damn Owen you are almost like a romantic comedy" Andy chortled.

"Almost?"

"Yeah, except you are not that funny and …well…your romance sucks." Andy quipped and Ianto listened to more laughter as the two men became friends, their matching sarcasm making them see one another.

Without Ianto's help.

He sort of felt like a proud parent.

They were actively seeking similarities between them and he left them to their snorts of mirth at themselves and their childish toilet humour heading to the garden where Jack was sitting with a jug of lemonade.

"The boys are bonding" Ianto said as he settled in a chair.

"That's nice. Makes for better car rides if they are not throwing shit at one another" Jack said and Ianto snorted then started to giggle as he repeated the conversation he had overheard.

"Deja-Poo" Jack said slowly with his eyes dancing, "Why have I never heard this term before? It covers sooo much."

"Andy is a hidden gem, what can I say" Ianto shrugged happily, the afternoon air pleasant. Ianto closed his eyes and lifted his face more to let the breeze kiss his forehead and Jack took the opportunity to lean forward and kiss him, their eyes closed as both men hummed softly at the contact.

"You are like one of those gifts that has lots of layers. You know? Box in a box in a box kinda thing. Each layer with prettier paper than the last but I can't seem to get to the real you hidden in there" Jack said as he poured a glass of lemonade for Ianto.

"Like an onion?" Ianto canted his head and Jack laughed.

"I hate that analogy. No, more like….this planet. So many layers with a swish outer layer that hides such a heat in the middle. Ianto, I wonder how much of you is dirt, how much diamond. The heat in your soul burns the coal life throws at you and creates such beauty inside. I see that and of all the people I have known, I don't think I have ever been so….so…..enamoured." Jack said softly as he watched Ianto and felt the warmth between them, even in the cool air turning from later afternoon to evening, "Ianto, we connect on so many levels. It feels like I have known you forever, it's so natural to hear you both physically and emotionally when we talk that I forget and ask Tosh something then get confused that I can't feel her response."

Ianto smiled sagely, "Not just me with that problem then?"

"I wonder if we have met before" Jack finally wondered, "If you are the reincarnation of someone I have loved many times, many lives. The vessel changes but not you. Your soul is still mine."

"You make me sound like the Doctor again. Well. On one level I am unsure how to respond to the implication that you are a demon collecting my soul. On another level I feel some trickle of acknowledgement that the fates have somehow made this happen. Somehow, someway we were placed on a path to meet. Maybe it was fate. Maybe the Gods. Maybe the pretty lady made of spun gold I dreamed of as a tot, who can say. All I know is that the first time I saw you, really saw you I felt it."

"Felt what Ianto?"

"Someone I might be worthy of."

"Oh sweetling, you have no idea" Jack sighed softly as he shook his head, "No idea. I am the one trying to redeem myself all the time, it is my own failures that bring worthiness into question."

"But that just shows that you are human, the human condition is to question one's worth I suppose. I thought I was the only one but maybe not. The more I interact the more I feel my self-doubts are too harsh. Jack?"

Jack looked intently at his young love, "Yes Ianto?"

"Is it a question of being worthy at all? Or is that the answer to the meaning of life?" Ianto questioned.

"42" Owen said as he walked over and flopped into the chair, Ianto blinking as the spell was broken and he turned to cant his head.

"Pardon?"

"The answer to the universe" Owen said and Andy came out with a plate of pastries.

"42"

Owen leaned back and regarded the man, then pointed, "You sir, are a bloody genius."

"Yep" Andy even popped the P.


	33. rare beauty

 

Ianto stood stock still, the sixteen pointer walking towards him slowly with his majestic head raised to scent the air. Jack watched Ianto's face glow with delight as the deer leaned gently to touch his muzzle to Ianto's nose, a kiss. Then he took a step back from the human and turned that huge set of horns to regard Jack sitting on the nearby log and Jack resisted the urge to wave like a dweeb, instead bowing slightly in the hopes it would be seen as appropriate. The deer stared at him for a moment of two then slowly turned back to Ianto and bowed before turning away to slide into the trees and disappear.

"Wow" Ianto sighed, "Did you see that?"

"Amazing" Jack said softly, "The stag as quite nice too."

Ianto snorted softly as he rolled his eyes, "Twypsn."

"Hungry? The picnic is ready" Jack encouraged Ianto to walk over to the picnic he had set up and Ianto folded gracefully to the grass, looking more like the stag that had just danced away then a human and Jack showed Ianto the image of Ianto as a wood nymph, Ianto snorting softly.

"Stop that, next thing you will compare me to the Mara" Ianto said with a hidden smile, "Do you want me to pour?"

"No, I'll pour the juice. You choose a sandwich or biscuit" Jack said as he sat with his back against the log, his ankles crossed as Ianto remained cross legged chewing on a corned beef sandwich.

"Good?"

"Hmmmm, you were not lying about that chef" Ianto said once he had politely swallowed.

"Ber…Lizzie loves her food, like the staples. She is not an overly fussy eater but gives most things a go. Not shellfish though." Jack watched Ianto rise and start to stalk the clearing, picking some of the wild flowers. "There are cut flowers in our room love."

"No, I want to press these in my journal" Ianto said without looking up, "A perfect day. A rare perfect day. I want mementoes. Why do you call her Bertie?"

Jack was torn between being touched and saddened by the statement, instead choosing soft affection in the hopes Ianto might feel it somehow. "I met her in the middle of VE Day and she told me her name was Bertie. Of course it was her father's name, Albert but I still call her that to make her smile."

Ianto hummed softly as he continued to examine, choosing a leaf next.

"You will need a bloody big journal" Jack joked.

"For you I have several" Ianto smiled as he looked down at his handful of goodies, "For you I shall have an entire library in my mind."

Jack couldn't think of an appropriate answer so he simply let it be, watching Ianto bustle back to place his choosings into a snap lock container. He found it sweet that he would keep the physical reminders even as his edidic memory already had them stored forever.

"Right, home?" Jack said after the things were packed away and Ianto turned into his arms, a gentle kiss.

"I would like a home. A real one. Somewhere I can have my stuff and just….just….be. Be sloppy, silent, broody and sulky. Somewhere I can play my music loud and sing at the top of my lungs then have a day where I don't speak at all. God. Such a thing is stuff of dreams" Ianto said as he gathered his things and Jack looked at him with surprise.

Ianto didn't notice and was too busy to 'see' Jack's wheels turning so when Jack hesitated at the SUV Ianto walked into him and looked up with surprise, "Jack? Problem?"

"I have houses. Not just Torchwood. I mean … if you want somewhere to hide then…I have houses."

Ianto blinked, "But… you live at the Hub."

"Because it's easy and I like being alone sometimes but there is a difference between alone and lonely. The big old houses sort of creep me out at three in the morning" Jack surged, "I know that doesn't worry you so…if you want, we can go look and you can have one. Right? A little bolt hole when Owen is too obnoxious?"

Ianto considered and Jack got an image of a darkened room full of bookcases, old leather couches and a large fireplace.

"You want a huge library room?" Jack asked "You know there is an entire planet that is a library?"

"Really?" Ianto asked with honest interest.

"Amazing, I spent days there. It was sort of creepy I guess, the androids that run the pace are actually sentient" Jack said as he loaded the back and they clambered in, "You don't mind me using the SUV? I know you hate cleaning it but her Jeep is her pride and joy. Services it herself you know. I did not want to tell her I broke it or something"

"She drove ambulances during the blitz right?" Ianto asked as he settled in, "a strong woman."

"And a lovely dancer" Jack smiled softly, "What a character. You know, I met her that way. She didn't tell me who she was, hounded me all VE Day looking for her sister, almost got me arrested because I had another man's coat on and didn't want to admit it. Gods, it was fun though. Margaret though, that one needed a bloody spanking."

They were hurtling along and Ianto laughed happily as he watched Jack become more youthful in appearance as he talked about something that happened so long ago, a moment ago in that moment.

"You do it too"

"Do what?"

"Let yourself open a moment in time and immerse yourself" Ianto laughed, "One perfect moment in a time of horror. I do that too.""

"Sometimes, all we need is a perfect moment" Jack agreed as he swung around a corner with glee.

Ianto let himself laugh as he agreed too.

A perfect moment.

.

.

.

.

the 42 comment is from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy for those who didn't understand.


	34. powers

34

They were going home the next morning, everyone sitting in the big library enjoying an open fire and a good brandy. Jack had watched Ianto enter and settle to stare at the flames reminding him of a cat fire worshiping.

Jack tentatively sent an image of a sleepy tiger sprawled on the rug looking into the flames with its huge majestic head raised to show its throat without fear. He watched, waiting and the soft smile tugging at the corner of Ianto's mouth told him it was well received.

The return image had Jack choking on his brandy.

It was an excitable little poodle humming Ianto's leg with its tongue lolling.

"You two doing that silent thing?" Owen asked and Ianto looked at him with shame making Owen sigh, "I wasn't picking mate. I just want to understand about it. I know you two have some sort of mental thing going on."

"Mental" Ianto repeated softly and Jack felt a surge of amusement from Ianto who had decided to play, "Owen, are you saying I have a mental problem?"

Owen seemed to stall as his eyes widened to match Ianto's, Jack now watching intently as Ianto slowly seemed to wilt with some slight against him. Owen reached out to stroke his arm, "Mate, I didn't mean that. You are one of the smartest people I know. You know, after Tosh. Gotta put me bird first ya know?"

Ianto shrugged, "Doesn't matter Owen."

Owen opened his mouth, then he looked over at Jack for guidance but he just shook his head. Then Andy snorted softly, looking at the ceiling as a giggle escaped, "He's got ya!"

"What?" Owen spluttered.

"He's playing you man, like a fucking violin" Andy chortled, "Always was a master at manipulation that one. Shit, always gets me running the crime scene tape before it even registers that it's not my bloody job, it's the plods."

"The Plods" Jack laughed, "Andy, you used to be one of those PC Plods"

"Yes but I have evolved" Andy said happily, "Like….I have been chosen."

"Have you now" Ianto chortled, his eyes gleaming with mirth, "Well go on then. What superpower would you have?"

Andy perked up as he saw the playful mood entering the room so he leaned back to consider.

"I would never have to sleep again" Tosh said, "Or, maybe a power where I could interface with technology like …you know…."

Ianto looked at her and knew the moment it entered her head, shuffling forward to seize her hand as she reared back with horror, "Oh Ianto, no, no. Oh god, I didn't mean that oh Ianto"

"You were thinking of Alien, right? Wynona Ryder's robot?" Ianto said softly, "You were not thinking of Lisa, you were never thinking of her. It's OK, let it go. It's OK, you've not upset me. Besides, you would never be allowed that power, you would be more like Skynet off the Terminator movies then. All power mad."

She smiled as she accepted his words, "And you? What would yours be. Don't tell me, invisibility?"

"Yeah, easier to pretend you don't exist then" Owen agreed.

"No. I would want something else, what about you Owen?" Ianto turned to him, "what would yours be?"

Owen snorted, "I would be irresistible like muggings here . Jack is already a superhero and I want his power. That sexual heat thing. Blokes and girls all gagging for it, I would swan about getting whatever I want by batting those eyelashes and still go home to my queen who would probably be the only one immune."

"Awwww, that's sweet" Andy said happily, "You called Janet a Queen."

Owen blinked, then rare with anger as he launched himself at Andy and they were soon giggling and wrestling in a tickly fight.

"And on that note, I shall retire!" Ianto rose gracefully and Jack went to leave too but Ianto waved him back down, "no, stay and finish the chess game Toshiko is luring you into. You know we are the only two to ever beat her. I will have a nice hot bath and luxuriate in that huge tub."

"Oi" Owen yelled from Andy's armpit, "You didn't say your power!"

"Jack's, of course" Ianto replied, "Like you said Owen, he is already the super hero here."

Jack let Ianto go knowing the power he spoke of had nothing to do with any animal magnetism or eyelashes and he didn't know how he should react to that.

Ianto wished for immortality.

The image was fleeting but Jack knew he would cling to it, the image Ianto had shared in that moment of the two of them entwined as lovers as the world moved around them. Forever together young and strong.

Loved.

"Maybe my superpower should be strength" And said as he sat on Owen and looked at Tosh with a serious frown, "Like… superman. That would be cool."

"Yeah I would be Spiderman then" Owen said as he slid out from under him and Andy nodded.

"Yeah, yeah good idea that one"

"Yeah Because I would look powerful in the suit?" Owen asked as he stuck a hero pose…like…. A spastic thing.

"Nah, because of the mask" Andy said as he shot to his feet and prepared to run, "Cover the ugly mug."

Own tore after him and Jack called out that they better not break anything, shaking his head as he turned to Toshiko.

"They grow up so fast mother" he said wistfully.

"Yes Father, I know. Still so young and foolish" she giggled as she tried to remain serene.

"Pity the little one seems stunted though" Jack said then shrieked as she swung at him, their own slapping game beginning as upstairs Ianto slid into the bubbles and sighed softly.

He was thinking about that house.


	35. Red headed bastard

It had been a wonderful escape but back to reality and here they were back in the thick of things barely three days later as Jack stood toe to toe with a grunt, the little red cap slanted back with the force of Jack's screaming in the man's face.

I mean… I can't say face to face given the way Jack leaned over the other man who was blinking furiously as Owen worked to save what he could of the spaceship's inhabitants.

The ship was roughly the size of a football and those first arriving had made the mistake of kicking it thinking a child had left it behind after playing in the field. Gods, where do they get these men? Ianto and Jack shared a moment of annoyance as they both thought of ways they could punt a few heads instead.

What a bloody shit show.

Andy worked the crowd as Tosh secured the ship and Ianto…. Wraithed.

He listened to those whispering on the outskirts, watched those passing things unseen from hand to hand to pocket as UNIT sought trophies. He relayed the images back to Jack as clearly as he could pausing for a reply and what he got back was not what he expected.

Jack was paying him in attention at all, like he wasn't even listening for him and Ianto couldn't understand the sudden loss of connection. It was slightly alarming. Ianto stepped around the people and he saw one standing with Jack, his hand on his arm as he spoke to Jack softly and what Ianto was getting from Jack was… affection.

Owen rose with a look of confusion and stepped forward to speak, the man now turning as Jack moved to stand beside him, the hand going to the small of the man's back was such an affectionate thing that Ianto felt a spike of jealousy, replaced by fear as Owen's face changed on contact too.

What was this?

Ianto stepped closer, watching as Owen smiled and laughed with this man like they were old friends. Andy and Tosh now walking towards them and he wanted to warn them but knew it would give him away. Instead he did his Mister Cellophane thing, moving to the SUV and clambering into the back where he always sat with the gear.

They drove back to the hub with loud talking, guffaws of laughter and more than one person patting the man's shoulder like he had somehow been the one to save the day.

Ianto considered.

They got back and he waited until they were all out, laughing and talking animatedly as they all went into the Hub leaving Ianto still sitting in the back. Jack had forgotten him. No. He had not looked at him, somehow he was ghosting him and Ianto knew somewhere in the back of his mind something was telling him to do so.

Ianto moved to the kitchen making coffee for everyone and leaving the stranger's plain, then up to the upper scaffolding where he could see everyone as Tosh entered the kitchen and looked around with open confusion at what she was doing, saw the freshly made coffees and then took them to distribute.

Myfanwy was perched on a beam looking straight at him and he looked at her, then looked down and she followed his gaze to the man with the red hair who was now holding court about some event that never happened, making everyone listen with rapture like….Jack.

Ianto canted his head as he considered things, then he watched Jack approach the man and lean in to tell him something. The man seized his hand. The real shock was the kiss, long and hungry as Jack devoured the man's face and then released him to run off, yelling about a good malt he had up in the office.

Ianto slid along to the office and stood there waiting as Jack burst in and headed for the liquor cabinet.

"Sir?"

Jack squealed and spun with shock, his hand slapped over his heart "Holy shit. What the hell …. Ianto?"

Ianto stepped into his space and let one finger slide down Jack's jaw line to the cleft of his chin, "What are you doing Cariad?"

"I … I don't remember…. Sweetie? I …. I don't know" Jack stammered and Ianto felt his fear thrumming as he struggled to find the connection.

"It's OK Cariad. Continue to the cabinet" Ianto said softly.

"Drink" Jack was suddenly lively again, spinning away to the cabinet where he pulled tou a bottle "Adam wants a drink."

Ianto watched Jack leave and canted his head.

Adam.


	36. i looked into the abys and the abys looked into me

Ianto went back to the rafters for a while, then down to Janet where he talked for a while, her take on it not much good as she simply offered to eat Adam for him.

"I love you Mama, but I think we need to learn what he is first" Ianto crooned, his hand on the glass accompanied by his lips in a kiss.

Then he turned to find Owen down there, upset and agitated as he went to feed Janet. Ianto slid back to the shadows of his cell and watched Owen angrily throw meat in to Janet, "Typical girl, after everything with Tosh, a floozy with floppy hair fucking smiles and she's off. A date, can you imagine? Tossing me for a bloody ginger?"

Ianto watched as Owen moved around him and then looked at him with a moment of confusion, "Ianto? What are you doing down here mate? Come on, let's go up."

"I will in a moment Owen, I just have to do some filing" Ianto said softly and Owen nodded then wandered off.

So they did remember him. They do know him. Just … Ianto realised they must all be actively blocking him, if he was right about this man he would not rest until he had everything. Ianto was strangely touched that he was considered something worth hiding in a time of infiltration.

They were under attack.

Ianto considered thing and then he went up, taking his time as he let his power draw in. Become small. Unassuming. The Coffee Boy.

Ianto entered the main hub and let himself be seen.

Adam immediately zoned in on him, his eyes widening as he realised there was another member he had somehow missed and he turned to Jack, "Who is that? Remember me asking about him?"

"Huh?" Jack said with a disinterested glance, "Oh. Jones. The Secretary. You remember, well … probably not. We don't usually see him in the daylight hours. We sometimes wonder if he's a vampire. You know … the one who cleaned up your desk when you spilt that sample all over it and we took you out for a coffee to feel better."

It hurt.

Ianto wasn't going to lie to himself even as he blocked it from Jack knowing it was a conscious attempt to protect Ianto that had him trying to distract Adam so he bowed and presented himself just out of arm's length.

"How may I serve?"

Adam blinked and stepped forward but Ianto stepped back.

"He doesn't like contact" Owen said with a sniff, "Sometimes I think he's a ghost and we are all imagining him."

Adam seized Owen's wrist and stared at Owen, "Tell me, when did we first get him? I can't remember."

Owen blinked and Adam frowned, dropping his hand and looking around, "Tosh? Love, when did Ianto arrive? Remember?"

They didn't know. This struck Ianto that they were not shielding this, he had simply been considered part of the furniture so effectively that they did not even know when he arrived. All they knew is that if was after T1.

Ah.

"Why Owen calls me a Ghost. Remember? The Ghost Shifts?" Ianto noticed the way Adam flinched and then seized Tosh's arm, her mind going straight to T1 and he knew that would jump her to UNIT and the cell she was locked in.

Adam stepped away from her like she was scalding hot, her own face shifting as her memory was dragged to one of the most terrifying time of her life.

So.

Remember was some sort of probe. He looked at memories, or maybe feelings connected to them.

Ianto considered as Andy bounced over, "Come on Adam. Ianto has always been here. He's been here longer than Jack. I remember seeing him when I was a kid, standing in the village green in the middle of a thunder storm"

Ianto blinked and looked at Andy with surprise as Adam seized his arm, stepping into Andy's space like they were about to slow dance.

"Remember?" Ianto said softly "When you were ten and broke your leg? Fell off your bike and into the ditch? You were in the water and might have drowned."

"But you were there too" Andy said softly "Ianto. You were there in the breeze, your voice. The leaves … the leaves were rustling and …. You lifted me out."

Adam stepped away from everyone as his confusion grew and Ianto finally stepped into his space, "Are you OK Adam?"

Adam reached out tentatively to touch the cheek of the man who seemed to shimmer with a heat that was so alluring, so … so ….

Ianto seized the hand and pulled Adam into his embrace, snarling as he let his eyes meet the monster's.

He let his memories flow.


	37. mammoth

As Adam screamed with raw fear and pain, the ethos of time flooded into the Hub and a chattering, fluttering and rustling that was almost deafening had them covering their ears.

Then …. release.

Feathers and leaves fluttered down from the ceiling, a clump of berries on a nearby workstation sat accompanied by a sprig of fern and wild flowers.

Adam lay panting on the ground as he gripped his head, trying to release what had been gifted, the memories, emotions and pain of living so long…so long…. Adam finally found the strength to scream. Ianto looked down at him dispassionately as the team woke from their fugue, blinking and looking around with confusion as they realised what had happened. The Monster remembered. And he looked down at Adam with a dispassionate curiosity as the man seemed to implode and die, husking, then crumbling to dust.

Jack looked at Ianto with wide eyes.

"What did you do?" he whispered, "Sweetie, what did you do?"

Ianto looked at Jack with his golden orbs swirling in his sockets, then he smiled.

"I remembered."

"Remembered what Tiger?" Jack asked, feeling no fear from this enigma he knew loved him back.

"I am the monster and the monster is me" Ianto's voice was deep, booming and melodic as he looked at the dust at his feet.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Dance with a God and return to mud and crust" Ianto intoned, "I remember who I am. Who I was and shall be once more."

"Wow" Jack said as he watched light come from Ianto, like the ashes still floating about becoming sparks. Ianto seemed to shimmer with a heat, a power.

"I have many names. Aja. Xochipilli. Viridios, Tapio, Ash, Actaeon, Indra, Tane, Abu, Ngen, Faunus, Veles, Loco … so many names through time."

"Mara's Watcher" Jack said with growing confidence, "You are an ancient?"

"Yes. I think so, I believe so. I think … I do not know if I am reborn over and over or simply forget, create a new set of memories and move on. I am … like…something close to the Mara but not" Ianto struggled to find the words he needed, "Why I ghost. I am unseen. I think I am at a place where it is all coming together. Maybe I am not supposed to put it all together until it is my time to move to the other place at will."

"Die?" Jack swallowed thickly as he spoke.

"No Cariad. I cannot"

Jack felt the punch to the gut as he fumbled for a chair, Tosh canting her head, "So … you are another type of human?"

"Yes. I am something called an Ancient. We were considered Gods I think, at one stage we were very big headed and possibly quite up ourselves. I feel. .. I cannot be sure but I feel we were punished for our young arrogance. We are to walk this world many times over to see the ravages of time, man and loss. We can move between worlds, I think this may be why I can see the other verses. I am in all of them."

"So … timelines may not be the same, you might be repeating like a really big Ground Hog Day" Owen snorted, "Shit."

"Sort of… Owen, that was a great idea. Maybe. I mean, we were not told, it was not explained, we were just…boom. Here" Ianto shrugged.

"Who wants to live forever" Andy said ,then frowned "Tell me. Are you a Highlander? I mean, you have a sword and cut the heads off your enemies?"

"What?" Ianto frowned "Are you being naff?"

"No?"

"No. Wait….um….what? No" Ianto spluttered, "Ah, no. But … maybe in one verse we believe this? Shit, it's all so jumbled."

"It does make sense" Andy said sagely, "So many memories and feelings, you can't have them all at the same time or you would go nuts or thing you have multiple personalities or something. You have to be ready, maybe…. Maybe you are reborn over and over again. As you become yourself, you remember more?"

"Well, how do you feel?" Jack asked the main question, the important one, as always.

"Fine" Ianto said simply, and he was.

"You think you are a monster. I caught that, at the moment of giving to Adam you projected yourself like some huge towering monster" Jack said softly, "You are not that to me. You… to me you are beautiful."

"Yes, but a true warrior must have a monster in his heart because only releasing the beast would win the war while keeping the gentle human side protected within. When a good man goes to war, the battle is won but the child is lost" Ianto explained, "I am me. I am many things but all is me."

"And I accept all of you" Jack replied, "For you see all of me and know I am many things as well."

"Time brings layers" Ianto nodded.

"Why you ghost" Owen suddenly blurted, "Why you can sort of disappear. You bloody do!"

"I'm the Invisible Man" Ianto nodded, smiling as he finally saw that it was OK.

Even monsters can be wanted.

And Ianto felt such an immense feeling of need from Jack.

And what he really wanted.

Love.


	38. silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://postimages.org/)

"Where are we going?" Owen asked for the third time.

"I told you, it's a surprise and I do think I said it was Ianto's" Jack replied yet again as he glared in the rear-view mirror at the man who had clambered into the SUV uninvited.

Ianto knew.

"A house."

"Ah. Well. That clears that up then" Owen snorted, slumping back "Smart arse."

"I thought long and hard, then remembered this one. I thought it might be perfect" Jack said as he pulled into a driveway, "Can you see it?"

Ianto peered through the overgrown foliage they were driving through as it slapped at the paintwork, "See what?"

"The house" Jack grinned, pulling into a clearing where a large log cabin sat waiting. As he had hoped, the gasp was one of delight as Ianto leaned forward more to look around.

"So what's wrong with it?" Owen asked as he plastered himself against the glass.

"Something has to be wrong?" Jack demanded.

"Come on, it's fantastic, even I can admit that. Why is it empty?" Owen snarked back with a cheeky smirk, "Come on, there is something."

"Well, Trammels infested it and although they are long gone their ghosting remains" Jack explained and Owen looked to Ianto like a small child might look to the parental with a brain to explain.

"A race that create a footprint in time like…. Ghosts. Jack says the place is haunted. These beings passed the same place a lot, walked the same hallways a lot. Sometimes, when you are not ready for it the ghost of one might wander past" Ianto explained patently, "It is an electrical thing. They are not real, just an echo in time. A repeat."

"Cool!" Owen gushed as thy all clambered out onto the overgrown lawn, "I vote we don't tell Andy and watch him wet himself!"

Jack turned to chastise and saw Ianto's evident amusement, so he turned back to see what Ianto was looking at.

"Cariad, did you know it backs onto the Wilding Wood?" Ianto asked.

"Huh? Shit. It does, I guess I didn't think of it." Jack shrugged.

"We are on a ley line" Ianto said as he looked at his feet, "Jack this is on a ley line."

"What's a ley line?" Owen asked.

"A powerful line in the ground, full of power and ancient magic" Ianto said softly, "This is perfect. Wow."

"How old?" Owen was hopping from foot to foot like it might be larva and Ianto smiled at him.

"Ancient" he whispered, "Like me."

"Cool"

"It's old, forgotten and hidden. I thought it would be perfect and I know the ghosts would not startle you with your knowledge of this race" Jack smiled, "Come on let's see how musty it is."

They entered and Ianto noted the way the door didn't want to open for Jack, oil needed on the hinges. He reached out to touch the wood and it suddenly swung back. It was a huge lower level, one huge front room all open plan and the second level was mezzanine, an open railing to look down into the lounge area.

Ianto saw it in his head, where things might go.

"Hallway?" Owen asked.

"Upstairs, four rooms" Jack pointed, "Plus bath."

"Cool" Owen took off, "I wanna call dibs."

"Owen?" Jack knew his mouth was open as he watched the man clamber up the stairs and Ianto snorted.

"Well, we know the stairs are stable" Ianto shrugged.

"But he thinks he has a room!" Jack pointed.

"Oh Jack its …. " Ianto stalled out, Jack turning with a noise of question and Ianto snorted at himself as he explained, "I'm waiting to wake up. This is all so lovely, so …. Right that it can't be real. Not for me. You see … I am not the one who wins a lottery. Not the one to even win a raffle, although I do like to contribute. No, I'm the one quietly trying to help in the background as others gad about. It feels wrong somehow to be this happy. I could live here, we could live here and then I will turn and it's all ash. Just another dream as I wake to my empty bed and bowl of cereal while I dress for people who don't see me anyway."

"Oh Ianto" Jack sighed, "When will you see your worth?"

"My kind doesn't get a measure of worth Cariad, all we get is silence. If we are lucky, play the game then every now and then we close our eyes and there is this silence that is so restful, calming. You can be nothing." Ianto closed his eyes as he spoke and he seemed to flicker…flux … "the world breathes and you are simply part of the air."

"You are beautiful" Jack whispered, those startling eyes springing open to stare at him, then a blush. "Seriously Ianto. I know you hate being looked at directly, I know it feels like you are being measured but I do see you as everything I need, want and desire."

Ianto nodded and looked at his feet, then grinned as he felt that tickle in his soul.

This place…. Was perfect.

Like the man offering it.

Ianto was terrified.


	39. meow?

Owen was in one of the back rooms pacing it out and muttering to himself about wardrobe space.

"And if I wanted this one?" Ianto asked.

"Tough titty" Owen said without looking up and Ianto laughed as he left him to it, the first room the one Jack was in and Ianto saw there was already a bed and some furniture.

"Oh, lovely." Ianto gasped as he looked around at the old books stacked up.

Jack looked a bit bashful, "I like to read."

"Same" Ianto stepped into Jack's space, "Jack… are you sure? I mean … I can be moody. Sullen and silent."

"Sort of like a teenager. Check" Jack said cheekily and Ianto snorted, looking around the room again. "Nice big rooms, eh?"

"They are lovely, all doubles?"

"Yep, one for us, one for Owen, one for Tosh and another for Andy Pandy" Jack agreed.

"Wow" Ianto said as he rubbed noses in an Eskimo kiss then he stepped back with a cheeky grin, and took off down the stairs and out the back.

Jack followed to find Ianto standing in the shadow of the large tree in the back yard, Ianto turned to him and asked, "You lived here? Those books, that room with furniture. You lived here?"

"Sometimes, yah" Jack nodded, "This was like a bolt hole."

"And you are sharing it with me?"

"Gods yes"

Ianto seemed to consider, then look back at the trees as they bowed and swayed in the breeze. Once upon a time Jack would have been annoyed by this blatant dismissal but he now knew it was not a dismissal at all, Ianto was simply thinking. So used to being ignored or overlooked, it did not occur to the Welshman that someone might actually be waiting for a response to something. This gave Jack time to examine the face of the man he knew now he had fallen in love with. His jaw was clenching and then releasing as Ianto physically chewed on his offer and it suddenly occurred to Jack that Ianto might see this as too much, become worried that he was somehow going to be a burden.

Ianto blinked and turned to look at him now, "I have one question."

"Yes" Jack prepared himself, the depth of this man fathomless and he knew it might be something so deep and awkward that he might either seal the deal or fuck it up completely. He hid his fear with a grin. Ianto wondered when Jack forgot about their connection and he let his amusement flow, also touched that he meant something to Jack.

"If we get this house …. Can I have a dog?" Ianto asked, "It clearly already has several cats."

Jack blinked.

He turned to look in the direction Ianto was pointing and saw a ginger cat sitting on the second balcony off the main bedroom, a tabby cat licking its arse on the lower level, frozen staring back like they had somehow interrupted something personal.

"There are two cats" Jack said stupidly.

"Three, a black one under the bush by the front door." Ianto corrected.

"Where the hell did they come from?" Jack wondered.

"Probably dumped in the woods. They live off the things they catch, this house feels safe. The Trammel ghosts probably giving the illusion of safety" Ianto reasoned.

"Shit. Marion never said there were cats" Jack frowned.

"Who's' Marion?"

"The handyman, lives over that way about ten minutes walk" Jack pointed, "He is supposed to be watching the place."

"And the cats probably hide Cariad. Think about it, we've been reasonably quiet and unobtrusive" Ianto smiled, then the door to the balcony slammed open and Owen shot out screaming blue murder, the cat with its leg stuck in the air blinked and looked up slowly as the ginger one simply slid to the outside of a post and sat looking disinterested.

"OI! I SAW ONE!" Owen screamed with glee. "FUCKING BRILLIANT!"

"Cool!" Ianto called back as the tabby cat now lowered its leg to turn and look directly at him

_REALLY?_

Ianto blinked, then turned to Jack, "OK. The Trammels. They had pets with them right?"

"Well … I think so, why?" Jack canted his head, "Cats I think. Ah."

"Hermandes" Ianto said after considering, "From the Planet Hermadore. They are like cats, right?"

Jack's face changed to one of total horror as he swung back to look at the cats, "Tell me they are not talking to you."

Ianto grimaced gently as Jack slumped.

"Damn. We can't move them on then, not if they are aliens."

"Nope" Ianto said, his face changing to one of glee "Wow, a house and pets. You spoil me Cariad."

Jack frowned as he watched the Welshman stroll across to bow to the one hiding under the bushes, no doubt talking to it.

Fuck sake.

Cates hated him, just ask Moses.

Last time he visited Estelle the old bastard bit him on the arse when she left the room.


	40. hello

Jack watched the vehicle careening across the field towards them and sighed, looks like Marion noticed the alarm tripped. Owen had wandered out and stood with Jack watching the madness unfold.

"Drives it like he stole it" Owen muttered.

The vehicle skidded to a halt and the old man jumped from the cab as spry as Owen, "Captain! I thought that looked like your SUV. You didn't say you were calling."

"Hey Mary" Jack grinned, enjoying the blink as the old man accepted the nickname Jack had always given him, once upon a time whispered in the darkness of the bedroom upstairs, "Thinking of moving back in for a while."

"Well, Darla will be pleased. She does love your bum" he quipped then spun with a soft curse as he heard the bang of a car door, "You two get back in that truck. I told you we were just….Ella! Freddy! You little shits!"

Two children were running hell for leather towards the house, whooping with glee as they ignored the old man.

"God damned teacher's strike. My daughter couldn't get childcare so dumped the shits on me. God damn it. They've wanted in the house for bloody years, always locked. They are so undisciplined, my daughter is too soft. They saw the doors open and just went for it. YOU LITTLE SHITS I'M TELLING GRANDMA ON YOU!"

"Ianto's in there" Owen said then he got a look of glee, "Oh shit, Ianto's in there."

Jack looked at him blankly and Owen snorted, "You've not seen kids around him have you."

"We've been at calls with kids before" Jack defended, "Why?"

"Nah. You've not seen how they are. Look!" Owen chortled and Jack turned to watch Ianto striding towards them with a grim look, two children following like little ducklings after their mama, looks of total adoration.

"Do these belong to you?" he demanded of Marion who also seemed surprised. Maybe it was the fact a tall young man in a three piece suit and cobwebbed hair looked like he might cleave his skull, but Marion could only nod silently.

"Well, they touched things" Ianto snarled "Like… everywhere."

"You're Welsh" Ella said accusingly, "You are welsh, right?"

Ianto looked down at her with open distain, "Yes."

"Cool. Are you a lawyer? Your clothes look really posh" the little boy asked and Jack watched Ianto's face contort as the child plucked at his jacket.

"You have dirty hands" Ianto accused so the child dropped to the grass and rubbed them about, then rose with a look of satisfaction. "Yes. Much better I am sure Frederickson."

"He told you his full name?" Marion was gobsmacked, "He can't even say it properly yet."

The kids looked at their grandfather as Ella spoke "We didn't tell him. He knew. He's an elf, he works for Santa or something. He knows both our whole names and spoke to us in a deep voice like Santa at the mall, even called me Missy like you do!"

"Right. You both need to go and wash your hands properly after touching dusty old things. So many germs, your hands might fall off from dust poison" Ianto glowered and the children both giggled as they watched like waiting from something. "Well? Get inside and wash if you want a nurse. I don't touch smelly things."

They ran back for the house as Jack looked at Ianto, "Wow. You don't like kids?"

"Of course I like them. Clean, docile and preferable medicated" Ianto said blandly as Owen sniggered.

"But… you said…a niece and nephew and…"

"I bribe them. I give them each ten pounds to piss off" Ianto replied, "Do you know how messy they are?"

Jack started to snort with mirth, "Wow. I really thought you would be like an earth mother, all … loving and cuddly and almost like a baby whisperer or something. You really don't care for them? They seem to love you."

"Exactly. All children, like the pied piper me. I walk though a mall and turn to find someone's toddler had busted from it's pushchair to take a lunge at me, I turn at the coffee shop and a child is trying to clamber into my lap. Like moths to a flame. Children adore me. So horrifying."

Owen stated to laugh, "And now they are back in the house. Alone."

"Shit, they might touch anything" Ianto said with horror, turning to race after them as Owen roared with mirth.

"I have never seen those kids be so …. Obedient. Like…he is a baby whisperer" Marion said with surprise.

"Yeah, they love him. Genuinely think he's the bees knees and he just can't get away from them." Owen sniggered, "Actually, sometimes he does take a liking. I don't think that it's a matter or not liking them… more the fact that they are so intense. They really focus on him, ya know?"

"Yeah" Jack understood, "I know."

"Well, do you hire him out?" Marion asked.

"Mary, that one is a keeper." Jack said gently glancing after Ianto and Marion nodded, knowing that look so well. A time Jack had looked at him like that, when he was as young as this man, as virile. Then Marion watched the way Jack was watching the door for his return and knew this was something more.

The Captain had never longed for someone like this, openly showing discomfort at the loss of sight.

Marion turned to look back at the house with interest.

Had Jack finally found a match?


	41. magic in the blood

They had driven over to Marion's house to meet his wife, the grandmother who stood with a look of alarm as she watched the children fall from the slick black SUV instead of her husband's mad jalopy. As her husband skidded to a halt and fell from his vehicle her eyes followed the direction he was looking, his face full of …. Interest. Then the handsome man in a suit had slid effortlessly from the passenger door and she watched the children each reach for a hand like he was their best friend. The man's grimace as he informed them that they were both disgustingly sticky had them grinning with glee.

"Sweetheart, you remember the captain?" Marion called and she finally saw the handsome man who owned the house over the way. Ah. Things were looking up.

"Come on, put the kettle on pet" Marion said happily as they all traipsed inside, a little rat faced man somehow appearing to ask where the loo was.

"Lovely" a deep chocolate voice purred and she almost dropped the teapot, trying to be calm as she turned to look at the suited man now in her kitchen, his stormy gaze on her Willow Patten Collection.

"Was my mother's, I've added to it of course" she said calmly.

"Yes, the jug and oval platter are the more modern version without the windmill" Ianto nodded softly, "My Grandmother had similar. She also had the little milk jug for a one cup. I always found that fascinating that you would want milk for a single cup yet carry everything out to make it. Of course in my Grup years, I now understand that it tastes better that way."

It had been a long time since a man had taken her eye, the lovely Captain the closest thing to eye candy …. Ianto's left eye twitched as if he heard heard her thought like...

"Oh my goddess" she whispered, his gaze falling to her.

"Darlene" Ianto whispered, "The Goddess has nothing to do with this."

She snorted before she could stop herself as he blinked slowly, then turned back to the plates, "I shall check my boxes, you are missing the sugar bowl. I may have a spare. Hate to see something incomplete."

"I've not met one of your kind since I was a small child" she sat heavily in a nearby hair, "I was barely six."

"Your birthday had been the week before, you wore the clip in your hair from your brother." Ianto agreed, "Cute little thing you were. Smelt like popcorn ya know."

"It is you" she breathes softly, "You are like him?"

"No. Jack is not one of us. He is a horse of an entirely different colour" Ianto turned to face her, "You are of the Clan. Not many watchers left."

"No my Lord, the younglings are losing the gift."

"Ianto. My name is Ianto" he smiled, his face changing to that of one she remembered and the soft glow seemed to fill her heart, "Little Darly. You have one in the next room with the gift, she is so small yet I feel the thrum in her blood. Revel in that, the Watchers continue."

They had a nice cuppa and Marion thought he saw his wife bow gently to the man in the suit more than once, his gentle smile seeming to please her. He nursed each child gently, both unnaturally obedient and silent as they clung to him, Ella actually laid her head on his chest. It ws not until they were leaving that he watched the man reach out to touch her forehead with his fingertips, a blessing.

Marion froze as he finally saw what his wife already had, his own meagre ability to connect to the old peoples long since depleted. Then Ianto turned and smiled, his eyes glowing until he blinked to return them to their stormy grey.

Holy shit balls.

Thing were gonna get interesting around here.


	42. small

Ianto was kneeling by the bookcase sliding books home in the correct order, Jack knowing it was best to stay out of it least he annoy the man. Instead he had gone outside and Ianto had heard the noisy return as he talked to Owen about something, Tosh heading upstairs.

"They are not in alphabetical order."

Ianto's hand froze and he slowly turned to look at the small child watching with interst, "Why are they like that?"

"They are in order of release. Each book has the DVD next to it, see? The James Bond movies are really famous as are the books they are made from. A lot of movies came from books. I like to have both. They are not the same you see, sometimes the movie people change things."

"Mama sez that too" he nodded, sliding onto a chair to settle, "You have lots."

"I like lots" Ianto shrugged, dismissing the child and resuming his sliding of beloved things into allotted spaces.

"Hey Freddy" Jack said as he passed the chair, a hand ruffling hair, "Where's your sister?"

"Here"

Jakc spun to see the little girl was sitting in the other chair, had been the entire time and he blinked, "I didn't see you there sweetheart."

"I was being small"

"Oh." Jack smile, "Cool. You are very good at it."

"Yep, I practice."

"Practice is important" Ianto said softly as he examined the spine of a book, "I used to get small when I hid from me Da too."

"Yes! I do hide from him" she nodded.

"Me Da was angry when he drank, he would come home and yell. He was scary so I would run and hide. Make meself small in the back of the wardrobe or under me bed." Ianto sighed as he spoke, so softly nd mepodic that it seemd he didn't know they were all listening, "Rhia couldn't do it. She didn't have the gift like me. I remember the night he came and started smahing things. Mama was so scared, crying and screaming. Me and Rhia hid in me closet and I held her so tightly, I tried with all my might to be small. I was so scared, me heart was pounding like drums. Thumping away. Then the door swung open and me Da was there snarling and grabbing about."

"What happened?" Freddy asked with wide eyes.

"He didn't see us" Ianto turned to look at him with a soft smile, "I don't know how I did it and I doubt I could do it again but that night I used everything I had and he didn't find us."

"Wow" Ella said with wonder, "I never thought it might work like that."

"Magic is a wonderful thing. Scary though" Ianto went back to sorting and Owen stood watching for a while, the thought of him as a small child afraid in the dark as he clung to his sister seemed to linger and Ianto glaced up at him.

"Owen?" Ianto said softly, "Any chance you could put the keytle on?"

Owen perked up as he rushed to comply and Ianto turned to the kids, "If you go wash your hands and sit like grups, you may join me for a cup of tea and piece of cake."

They raced off gleefully, Ianto rising to follow Owen to the kitchen where he was looking eagerly at the large coffee cake on the table.

"There is also a chocolate gateu in the box, can you get that too? I think the little girl is more a chocolate child" Ianto said as he started getting cups and saucers.

"When did he stop?" Owne asked softly, glancing over at the man he considered his friend, "Your Da?"

Ianto glanced over at him.

"My Mum made my life hell but when I was old enough to leave home I told her to get stuffed. Did you do that too? Give him a good sneer, punch him or just leave." Owen wondered.

"When I was seven he killed her" Ianot whispered softly, "He broke her neck as I watched under the kitchen table, unable to do anything as my leg was broken aleady. Rhia was not there, she was at a school disco, came home to the Heddlu leading him away. She cried, clung to him and wept. I just stabbed him. Go figure."

Owne stood for a long time, watching those nimble fingers make the beverage he loved so much, watching his friend quiely work and he found the strength to take a beath.

"Well …. Shit"

"Yeah. Rhia didn't talk to me for years, like it was my fault. Then … then Lisa insisted I try to make amends. One meeting, all it took. Rhia's fat fuck of a husband leering at us and askin' me once Lisa went to the loo if her pussy was black or pink like her palms. Felt sick."

"Did you stab him too?" Owen asked.

Iantos' eyes slid towards him and he grinned, "No, but he got so many speeding tickets and fines it wasn't funny. He also couldn't work out why his credit card kept failing. Each time the store rang the bank they would key in his car number and then get a recorded warning that he was a paedophile and any child with him was in danger. Funny … how often he took the kids for ice-cream."

Owen sniggered as he agreed, that was a good revenge.


	43. his mind's eye

"I wondered where they had got to" Darlene said as she entered and toed off her boots, "Little horrors."

"They were no trouble Darls" Ianto said easily, now unwrapping little glass figurines and handing the paper to the children who were eagerly feeding it to the open fire.

"Goodness, don't burn yourselves" she gasped.

"They are well aware of the perils, I explained the need for extra care. Both very clever" Ianto muttered as he examined the tail of a little black glass cat, his frown deep as he suspected a small chip.

"Well, thank you for entertaining them" she smiled, "If they are not a bother, I know you do not like noise and bluster."

"They have learnt that as well" Jack replied, "I've never seen them so quiet and attentive. Ianto is quite the scary nanny."

Ianto pivoted at the waist and glowered at Jack who made kissy faces to show he was not the least bit upset about the glare of doom. Then Ianto smiled and she saw it was all some act.

"Well, if they are no bother" she smiled, Owen bouncing past with tools in his hands.

"Owen, be careful down here. So dirty still. I need to dust and vacuum" Ianto called after him and Owen swung to laugh.

"It's a cellar, it's meant to be musty and spooky" Owen said with a sneer, "Next thing ya know, you'll be scrubbing the dirt floor."

"Oh Gods! Dirt?" Ianto gasped and they all started to laugh as Jack assured him it was concrete, Owen had been kidding.

"Smartarse" Ianto said with a grin as he rose and brushed off his trousers, "Cuppa?"

The children rushed to wash their hands, their grandmother's mouth open as they politely asked if he needed help. Then they painstakingly placed cups and saucers out for everyone, including two bright sunflower yellow ones with saucers that really looked like sunflowers.

Ianto poured the tea into them, added two sugars and milk, then went on pouring coffee in the large blue one as the children each pulled a sunflower cup towards themselves and blew on them with glee.

"Cake?" Ianto asked, a plate of cake placed down and she now watched two hands shoot up, two sunflower plates appearing and two slices of chocolate cake cut. Then little cake forks.

She didn't even know they knew how to use them.

It was a lovely thing, to sit and have a conversation with Jack as Ianto silently saw to the children, like he was their parental. Their smiles and looks of adoration made her throat constrict as she knew their own father never earned such looks, his cruelty making them fear him more than they would possibly love him.

He was missing so much.

"If you are finished…" Ianto said and both children jumped from their chairs, rushing to wash their faces.

"You have a way with them" Darlene smiled.

"Just need some threats and intimidation" Ianto deadpanned and she giggled easily at the show. Then her smile faded as she glanced after them.

"Amy's lawyer is serving the papers today, right about now her husband will be getting them. They will stay with us for a few days before we are sure he is not going to cause a scene about it" she whispered, "The protection Order is in place, now the divorce papers… I don't want them to go back to the apartment until they know for sure he isn't going to become violent."

Ianto glanced at Jack who was frowning as Tosh quietly opened her lap-top to check the progress of the court documents. This was not good news and Ianto knew Jack was concerned for the woman he had once bounced on his knee.

Ianto and Jack finally headed into do their afternoon shift, watching Darlene and the two children walking the sheep trail home, the air overly crisp in the falling temperature.

"Gonna snow tonight" Ianto said as he peered out the window, the world whizzing past.

"Owen seems settled" Jack smiled, "You OK sending Tosh home there too?"

"Well, we should all try to settle our rooms into some semblance of order. If this storm kicks in I would rather they stay with us, the house can go off-grid. That apartment of Owen's is useless without power and Toshi would just bundle into her bed and freeze. I know it's silly, but you know I am a worst case scenario kinda guy." Ianto reasoned.

"I know you are my kind of guy" Jack replied, "All I need to know."

"Silly" Ianto snorted, "Sweet talker you!"

Ianto's head fell against the window as Jack drove, his eyelids fluttering as he closed them and …. Sought.

He looked out across the field again, the little house a mere smudge in the distance. Swooping down over it, as it he were a large bird … like he was a passenger. Then came the hedgerow and the rustling of leaves as the Mara he had communed with sought shelter.

In his mind's eye … he worried.


	44. hush

Something woke him.

Ianto lay there wondering what it had been, the silence telling him the snow predicted had started to fall in that ominously quiet way. Ianto had always equated the silence of a snow fall to that of the mind of a serial killer.

_There._

Ianto sat up, canting his head as he strained to hear over the weird silence. Both men had gone to bed in track pants and t-shirts due to the cold evening to the furnace still needing some parts. Owen had been effective in finding the necessary parts that were on the overnight couriers, this being the only might they would have to suffer the ….

_A fox maybe?_

Ianto walked to the window and looked out over the field to the house barely able to be seen in the distance, lights on so it looked like a little lantern.

He looked at the beside clock.

_The witching hour._

There is was again, a faint cry and suddenly Jack is there beside him, the heat of him better than any furnace as he leans into him and they peer out into the dark.

"What was that?"

"I don't know" Ianto whispered, "I thought maybe a fox but …. I have the heebie-jeebies."

It was louder, a lull in the snowfall and Ianto was moving as Jack reached for the bedside table, his Webley pulled from the drawer as he went to follow Ianto. They encountered Owen on the landing, "was that a person crying out?"

"Yeah" Ianto brushed past, his feet slamming into snow boots as he fumbled with the Burberry hanging next to the Great Coat and he was lifting the Great Coat as he turned for Jack when a noise at the door alerted them to someone clambering up the steps of the front porch.

Jack pulled the door open and Darlene fell in, "Help, he's come for the children … help"

She was bleeding and Ianto pushed around them, setting off into the dark with his black coat making him disappear. Jack floundered out and yelled after him but he was gone.

"Where did this blood come from?" Owen asked as he knelt by her, "Come on love, are you aright?"

"Marion, he…. I think he shot him." She sobbed. "He shot my love."

Jack flicked the SUV into four wheel drive and took off across the fields, trying to remember the easiest path. The sheep trail. He squealed to a halt outside the house and finds Marion laying inside the door, Owen pushing past to fall to his knees and check him. Jack realised he had clambered into the SUV when he took off, so intent on following Ianto he hadn't even noticed him.

"Darla?" he asked, using Darlene's commonly used name.

"Tosh" Owen barked back, then there was the sound of things smashing. "Fuck, he must still be here. Sounds like Ianto found him."

Jack stumbled to his feet and ran into the kitchen to find Ianto locked in combat with a man who seemed intent on shooting him in the head. Ianto was effortlessly holding him at bay, the hand with the gun seized in a bone crushing grip and the gun pointed at the veiling as Ianto snarled silently.

The Ianto popped a hip, swinging the man around and through the wall into the lounge. Ianto didn't let go of the man's hand or gun, swinging after him.

"Ianto!" Jack slammed through what was left of the wall and grabbed the man from behind, yanking him back and Ianto is still hanging onto the gun so he swung as well, then let go and planted his feet to stabilise himself.

"You look after him, I need to find the kids" Ianto turned and froze, the body of the woman on the ground was a younger version of her mother, her hair fanned about her head like it had been placed there by a photographer.

"Shit" Ianto said softly, followed by a loud crack. He turned to find Jack standing there with a shrug as the man fell to the floor, the Webley used to cuckold him.

"She's dead" Ianto hissed, then he headed up the stairs, no caring what Jack does next. At the top of the stairs he wondered where they might be. Then he remembered what he had told them, heading into the bedroom. He checked the closet.

Nothing.

He paused and realised he was looking at this all wrong. He took a deep breath and listened to the house. He opened his eyes and turned to find Jack standing there in the hallway, "They are not in the house."

"Shit. Owen confirmed, she's dead. Marion has a bullet to the shoulder but it's not fatal" Jack said as he turned, "If they are not here, where are they?"

"Oh gods, did they follow their grandmother?" Ianto sighed, "I ran along the sheep path, did you drive that way too?"

"Yeah, if she came straight… shit, they are out there in this snow."

At the back door they stood looking at the footprints in the snow … two little sets … and one big set.

Owen called from the lounge, "Where is the fucker you told me to watch?"

"Out there" Ianto whispered with horror.


	45. The Ferryman

Ianto moved so quickly that it was like the dark swallowed him whole, the Burberry flapping wings as if a mighty crow took off, Jack following with his Webley drawn and the knowledge that this man had to die.

Jack stopped running and listened, giving his eyes time to adjust to the moonlight starting to peek through the clouds and he saw the tracks ahead, following them with his sight up to the rise where he could see Ianto striding out. He was not impacting the snow, not leaving tracks as he seemed to glide with a righteous anger and Jack took a deep breath before he began to run again, this time with enough night vision to see where he was going.

The tree line.

The children had changed course, no doubt realising their father was after them and Jack cursed as he followed Ianto in, close enough to grab his coat tails if he wanted and he could smell Ianto on the chilling breeze.

Ianto stopped dead.

Jack slammed into him, then looked around to see what Ianto did, then Ianto spoke "You have two choices here. Either you walk over here and accept your fate or you will judged by the Others."

"Fuck off" a snarl ahead, "I have him, soon I will have her too."

"No" Ianto sighed softly, "You don't have either of them. They are here by me. Whatever you are cuddling obsessively, it is not one of your children. Shame you were not warned of the Wilding Wood, of us Tricksters lurking beyond the safety of the light"

Jack crouched and looked around the man he followed to see the man standing with the struggling child, then he looked around and saw no other child. Yet … he trusted Ianto so he raised he Webley and took aim.

"Last chance to bend" Ianto warned, "They are very angry, as am I. I will give you a quick death."

"Go fuck yourself."

"Actually you are the one who must go" a new voice whispered on the breeze and Ianto took a step back as he glanced around.

"Let me take the children, please. Let me take the babies, they will be safe with me" he begged, his eyes searching and the tree canopy started to rustle as Ianto and Jack looked up, leaves falling as a wave moved towards them and the man standing there with the changeling that had started to laugh softly.

"Go Watcher" it hissed, its features starting to change and Ianto turned, swinging around Jack to snatch at a tree trunk and he rose with the little girl in his arms, her brother clutching the tree with wide eyes.

"Shit" Jack spat seizing the boy and together they ran, leaving the world of madness, screaming and pleading behind them in the dark woods.

"Don't look back" Ianto warned as they ran and both children buried their faces in the strong chests. They exploded back into the moonlight, Ianto falling to his knees as he held the little one against him, his heart pounding as he kissed her deeply, as a lover would.

"Ianto?"

"Too much power, she gave so much to keep them hidden" Ianto panted as he adjusted his grip, "She is fading."

"Gods" Jack felt little arms around his neck clinging to him as Ianto repeated the kiss.

Then she was crying, awake and reaching for his comfort as Ianto rose to his feet, heading back towards the house and the keening noise of a mother grieving for her fallen daughter. They entered and Darlene looked up, sobbing as she saw the grandlings, rising to accept them on the sofa, her husband crawling across the floor as Owen stroked the poor dead mother's face with sorrow.

"Nothing we can do, she died instantly" Owen said as he glanced up at the entering men, "No pain. It was quick."

Ianto nodded, handing over the girl and then waiting for Jack to hand off the boy, then he seized him, their kiss searing. Owen watched them with confusion, then saw Ianto was shaking as Jack held him and crooned

"Is he OK?" Owen asked.

"We all are. We all will be" Jack amended as he held the delicate one against him, a fluttering bird needing comfort. Again the image of a crow came unbidden and he kissed Ianto's forehead as he whispered that he had done well.

"Da is dead" Freddy said flatly as he looked at his sister.

"He is" Ella agreed, "They ate him."

"They?" Darlene asked with alarm.

"Them" Ella agreed, settling against her, "He was a bad man and they punished him. He's gone now."

"Mama" Freddy whimpered, "She's dead too?"

"Sorry mate" Owen sighed, "She is. You are ok here now, you will be safe now."

Ella buried her face as she started to weep. Jack let Ianto go and he stepped back rubbing his own face, "what they call a clusterfuck?"

"Yeah" Owen huffed, "Messy."

"Well, it's done now. Time to ring the Heddlu. We will say he ran off into the woods, they will search for days. They will never find him." Ianto said as he began to look around at the mess.

"And they will see our prints as well." Jack frowned.

"Yes, leading to the children. He went deeper, we didn't. They will decide he fell into a ravine or the river or something" Ianto shrugged, "I don't care. He's gone."

Jack nodded as those stormy maelstroms rolled to settle on him and he felt the strength he had just renewed with heir touch.

Gods, this man was addictive.


	46. lightening addiction

Ianto pulled the blanket over the two sleeping children curled in a huddle in the corner of his sofa with a soft frown. Their grandparents were at the hospital where their grandfather was getting the bullet removed with Owen there supporting Darlene.

Jack and Ianto had scooped up the children and finally snarled 'Torchwood' when it seemed the Heddlu wanted to continue asking stupid questions when there were no right answers now, maybe never.

"Ianto?"

Ianto turned to face him, smiling softly as he accepted the cop of cocoa. One thing you have to give the Captain… He made a mean cup of cocoa and Ianto was quite partial to it ta very much. He leaned into the comfort of the warm body and Jack let an arm snake around him as they stood to look down on the little ones.

"Poor buggers, both parents in one night" Jack said as he rubbed Ianto's side.

"Their Grandparents will endure, we are just here after all. The minute I saw these little ones I knew they would be connected to us somehow" Ianto agreed.

Tosh entered looking shattered, flopping onto the sofa and then she circled around the children as Ianto reached for another blanket to cover her. He then motioned for Jack to follow him to the other room.

"You OK?" Jack asked with genuine concern that had Ianto nodding.

"I am sorry it came to this, that they had to lose their parents" Ianto was rubbing against him like a cat now and Jack pulled him in close, "Poor little chicks. We must try to include them, maybe some sleepovers and little dinner parties or something."

"We will, work permitting" Jack agreed, now rubbing the lithe body of his love, wondering how strong he really was if he could…

"Stronger than I dare show" Ianto whispered into Jack's neck, "stronger than I will ever try to be. Power is a dangerous thing."

"And powerful people are seen" Jack agreed, the huff of air agreeing as Ianto started to rock, their bodies swaying gently to some forgotten song on the wind. Jack realised it was Ianto, singing so softly it was like they were hearing it from another room.

Jack caressed his face, his cheek, his eyelids, his nose… that needed a kiss.

Ianto hummed and canted his head, the searing kiss full of affection yet the song remained. Of course it did, it was in their heads. Ianto was communing and it felt so wonderful. Jack had missed this, theses primitive humans not a patch on Boeshanninan telepathy and now the soft warmth of another in the back of his mind filling him with affectionate thoughts was so … reaffirming.

Jack pulled Ianto back so he could look into those twin storms.

"Ianto, I love you. I was afraid tonight, not for you as I have come to realise you are safer out there in the dark than me, no. Afraid that you would look back and see me trailing you, be annoyed at my floundering when you have such grace." Jack whispered "I almost creamed myself watching you shine."

Ianto snorted, "Yes, shinning is dangerous too, so much better to hide in the shadows than to let the light show your imperfections."

"Imper…imperfections?" Jack spluttered, "Are you crazy? The only one I know if is that weird habit you have of moving my bloody boots!"

Ianto blinked and then snorted softly, pushing as Jack with his shoulder then leaning in for more comfort, able to ask without fear of rejection as he felt the love of the man washing over him like warm water.

"It's funny. When you think about Boeshane there is just sand, a desert of sand yet when we touch I hear running water, I feel the waves" Ianto frowned, "You are a mixture of contradictions sir."

"A beach" Jack snorted "The peninsular was set on sand dunes with a river flowing, several creeks as well. I loved the water. The sea was mighty though, crashing maelstrom of power that entranced me even as it sacred others."

"Ah. Tht explains it" Ianto nodded as he moved more and Jack relaxed as they were again cuddling. Ahhhh.

"Explains what?" he finally asked, unable to help it.

"I am a Watcher. We are of the dirt, the natural order. We seek that. You are borne of water and sand … a soil of sorts too. We are matched yet different enough to be interesting to one another. You are … ah …. Like … the density of water compared to the density of jelly."

"Density" Jack said slowly, "Are you calling me dense?"

"Deep" Ianto sniggered, "Deep and some wobbly bits?"

"Ahhhh, back to those" Jack giggled as he squeezed, "I like your wobbly bits too, especially when they are not so much wobbly as … bouncy."

Ianto was laughing as the mood lightened and Jack felt the soft touch around his psyche as if Ianto's hands were stroking his soul, a petting of immense affection that left him weak kneed, "Keep that up and I will fuck you against the kitchen counter."

Ianto stepped away and Jack saw a twinkle in those eyes, lightening striking.

"Promises, promises."

Then he was gone.

Jack took a few minutes to breathe and regain control before following him back to the other room.

Tease.


	47. sizzle

Jack stirred in the bed as he listened to the storm raging outside, coming fully awake when his foot met the cold air outside the blankets because the warm feet it had been seeking were missing. He opened his eyes and looked at the empty pillow as it finally dawned on him that his lover was not in the bed.

"Ianto?" Jack called softly as he pulled on a robe and padded down the hallway, each door he passed with a different tag hanging on it reminding him of barracks instead of a family home … doors with names on them. He still didn't know why Owen wanted that even if Ianto said something about Owen's school days.

Jack paused on the landing and listened, the wind picking up and howling now as the house seemed to sway like it was listening to music. Music of the gods. Jack looked down and saw only the dim house. No light.

"Ianto? Love?"

He carefully went down the stairs. Although falling down might not matter death-wise it did mater to those deep asleep who didn't want to discover him at the bottom before he resurrected. Made it. He grinned at his childish glee and started to see what Ianto meant about Owen. This house made you feel…young again. Owen wanted names on doors like kids did. Maybe it was the ley-line thing Ianto had been talking about.

The kitchen was empty and Jack felt a stab of longing as he started at the coffee machine that was sitting silently regarding him like the Keeper of The Kitchen. Jack sniggered to himself and his weird thoughts, really feeling his oats tonight. Another reason he wanted his lover back in the….holy fuck.

Ianto was outside.

Jack leaned on the kitchen bench to peer out into the dark night, the silhouette papering again as lightening crashed and lit the world. A Polaroid. Gods taking pictures of their creations? Ianto was standing in his PJ bottoms, his torso bare and his arms flung out as if daring the next bolt to strike him down and Jack had a moment of horror before he remember the little detail of Ianto not being quite what he seemed.

Jack open the back door and walked out onto the porch to watch Ianto's head fall back, wind whipping his hair into curls around his head as he revelled in the power of the storm, crackling energy seemed to make everything feel buoyant, almost like balloons tethered precariously to the ground yet poised to fly up and away.

Jack looked at his arms and saw goose bumps, then he knew without reaching up his hair would be standing up. He looked again at Ianto who was levitating several feet of the ground s he hummed, the deep baritone making Jack's dick quiver as his bones undulated with the boom.

Jack closed his eyes and 'saw' the storm.

He gasped as he saw the power of the universe, a wormhole spiralling around them as the stars seemed to dance and the black disappeared from the gaps …. No gaps…light so much light…golden and loving and true and….

Silence.

Jack opened his eyes and saw a break in the clouds letting the moon drench the yard with her light and Ianto's arms dropped as he slowly landed on terra firma, his toes sinking into the mossy lawn and his sigh was almost orgasmic.

Ianto turned to look back at Jack, his glare predatory as he slowly turned and began to meander towards him like a tiger does. You know stalking…one about to eat it's prey.

Or fuck it.

Hopefully.

"Cariad" Ianto growled, that deep voice still there and Jack groaned. "Get back up those stairs and get ready for me, I want to be warmed from the inside… your inside."

Jack didn't need to be told twice what was coming as he swung around, racing inside and up the stairs as he fumbled with the robe, panting with need and lust as he slammed into the bedroom and he swung around as Ianto who had somehow beaten him there caught him, lifting him and throwing him to sail through the air and land on the bed with a thump.

"Fuck" Jack squeaked in a very unmanly way.

"I believe I shall" Ianto replied as he looked down at his prey, those teeth gleaming as he grinned wider than Jack usually did. "My love."

Jack felt himself go limp, his affection now overriding the lust as he reached out to cup Ianto's face, a thumb stroking the cheekbone as he looked onto those pools of intelligence "Hey good looking."

Ianto leaned in and kissed him with a matched gentleness that had Jack clasping at him, pulling him closer as his hands slipped over wet skin. Gods, he was wet but not cold. He was hot to touch like he had just stepped from a hot shower and his soft growl as he nuzzled Jack's throat had Jack sighing happily.

There were no more words, no need as Ianto entered him and began to rock, the warmth indeed making both of them sweat.

Outside the storm cleared away, the anger dissipated and as the dawn came Ianto slept in Jack's arms.

He woke to a new day.

He left the past sorrows in the storm.


End file.
